must escape this emptiness i feel [hailey]

[ELLEN VICTORIA LEYDEN]

TELL ME IT'S NOT REAL
• i must awake i must escape •
THIS EMPTINESS I FEEL

The world all seemed to blend together, and Ellen seemed to get that feeling of being completely alone. People said that teenage girls often got this feeling because they had an intense desire to fit in with the crowd; this was not true for her. Never in her life had she felt this way, and there was only one explanation for it; she had given herself away to a psycho, Slytherin, pureblood supremest who went by the name of Rodolphus Lestrange. The embarrassment and shame she felt from that night prevented her from talking to anyone. If it had been someone else, anyone else she would have had no problem talking to someone she trusted. Unfortunately, it wasn't just the unwanted night full of regrets that made her so frustrated, it was the fact she felt something different.

Ever since that night she had started to see something different in Rod, something worth looking at. Perhaps he was a complete lunatic, but he was also a tormented lunatic. Ellen preferred life so much more when she thought he had no redeeming qualities at all; now that she thought he had something worth saving she was obsessed with the idea of him and her. It was like taking a shower and never feeling completely clean; no matter how hard she tried she simply could not wash him out of her mind. Her morals seemed to be receding because the Ellen of last year would have never admitted to feeling anything by loathing for Rod, and unrequited love in general made her sick to the stomach--this was more than just unrequited. It was absolutely impossible. Even if Rod did, by some strange trick of nature, return her feelings they would never be accepted as a couple.

There was just so much uncertainty that went along with her emotions as well. Sometimes she didn't know if it was just the lust and passion of that one single night, and if it was it was awfully strong for being merely physical. Every single bone in her body still managed to feel a bit of hatred towards him as well leaving her one hundred percent completely confused. Her mind simply wouldn't let her forget what she wanted to because sometimes his touch still lingered in her head, and at times she couldn't help but recall the heat of the night. Why had she let herself be put in a predicament like this? Only one foolish mistake was enough to totally eff up everything.

Ellen's mind couldn't help but wander throughout the day, and studying was impossible with her overactive thoughts. She needed to ponder whether that meant with someone or completely alone. That's what brought her to the courtyard. Usually it was packed full of people, but the weather and in-between time of day caused the near emptiness. A bit of brisk wind didn't really bother Elle, and the looming darkness didn't really hurt one's thoughts. Anyway if she wanted to study she could simply cast a spell. It was very easy for her to just close her eyes and think; writers tended to be thoughtful and this trait came in handy for times like these. She tried desperately to sort out the logic from the emotion and the lust from what she truly felt. Navigating her mind hadn't worked before, and she had a feeling it wouldn't work now; she needed someone to talk to.

TAGGED ! hailey/laura
WORDS ! some number i don't know
OUTFIT ! gryffindor robes
LYRICS ! tell me why--laura michelle kelly
TEMPLATE ! PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
NOTES ! blah blah

[HAILEY SAMANTHA THOMAS]

-----------------------------

The library was peaceful that morning. Only a few students were there catching up on homework. That was what a brown haired girl was doing. She was sitting in one of the back tables. The table was laden down with a couple of her school books as well as the library books. Surely she was going through another mental breakdown for the fact that she was doing three subjects at once. Even though she was a Ravenclaw there was a certain point where her mind would cave in. Hailey Thomas slammed the Transfiguration book shut with a small growl. She had been in the library for only two hours and her essay was only halfway done. It was bad enough that her mind wondered with the latest nightmare from the night before. Oh Merlin what’s wrong with me? She thought to herself frowning as she gathered her things and stood up. The nightmares were always the same. Rodolphus leaning over her with a sneer. He had broken her once and that was a month ago. She had gotten off lightly she supposed. The nightmares were all the same.

Hailey breathed in a shaky breath as she started to put the library books back in their places. She ran a hand through her waist length hair. Don’t think about that right now, she told herself quietly as she walked out of the library. Her eyes glittered with worry as she walked back to the Ravenclaw Tower, dumping her things in the dormitory. The youngest Thomas girl decided to take a stroll through the courtyard. There was a thoughtful look in her eyes as she opened up the doors and strolled on the castle grounds. A bit of a breeze, well a brisk wind to be exact, met her as it ruffled past. It caused her hair to stir in several directions. She frowned as she ran her fingers through it, trying to set it in place. She raised her head and sniffed the air. It smelled like rain was coming and Hailey could use some rain. When she was younger she would just sit outside and listen to the gentle tapping of the rain on her window. The one thing that she loved was a full blown out thunderstorm. Especially when they happened late at night and she was just sitting on her bed, listening to the howl of the wind and the pouring rain on the roof.

A small sigh escaped from her lips as she continued strolling through the yard. You have go to put it together. The small voice in the back of her mind told her softly. You can’t let Rodolphus get to you. Try as she might, Hailey could not get him out of her mind. She growled softly again, an annoyed look on her expression. She was trying so hard to empty out her mind that she walked smack dab into another person. “Oomph!” Was all that Hailey said as she stumbled a few steps back. Her cheeks turned pink as she glanced at the other person. A Gryffindor girl that looked to be a few years older than her. “I’m so sorry.” Hailey apologized. She didn’t want to stammer. Not now anyways. “I wasn’t looking to where I was going and I….” She let her voice trailed off. Well, this was awkward somewhat. She continued to blush slightly. There was no doubt that Hailey was embarrassed. Very embarrassed. “Hailey Thomas. Fifth year Ravenclaw.” She introduced herself. “I’m sorry about running into you. I didn’t mean to.” A flash of uncertainty went through her face for a few minutes.

It took her a few minutes to calm herself down. She blushed as she lowered her head to the ground. Hailey visibly shrunk back, her whole body was tensed. She expected a few smacks to the head and some few choice words to be yelled at. It was what her father would have done anyways. Her father or some meaningful pureblood who was looking for a victim. Hailey knew that it was bad of her to think like that of someone that she had just, literally, ran into. She ran a hand through her hair again, wincing as she mentally kicked herself. The hand that Rodolphus had forced into the fire. The hand that had pink scars. She quickly lowered the hand while waiting for the other person to speak.

[/size]

Tagged. Miss Rachel
Words. 734
Notes. I am SO SORRY it took me forever to get this up >.> Her muse was being stubborn! And she just ranted on and on.
Credits. The template is credit to Laura.

[/left]

[ELLEN VICTORIA LEYDEN]

TELL ME IT'S NOT REAL
• i must awake i must escape •
THIS EMPTINESS I FEEL

Just when she was about to give up and study a bit she felt herself being knocked over by someone. A part of her was one hundred percent sure it was some stupid Slytherin, or worse, Rod. For a second she almost let whatever perturbed, profane phrase that came to mind escape her lips; thankfully she did not. When she realized that it was simply a young Ravenclaw who made a mistake, she wasn't roaring mad. After all, Ellen did not want to be known as that total witch who made someone cry. Making someone junior to her shed tears was definitely not a stop on her road to becoming successful.

Looking down at the young Ravenclaw gave her a kick back to a time when life was much easier. Elle could remember her fifth year as if it was just yesterday, and a part of her desperately missed it. When she was fifteen she was a quidditch star, innocent as a rose, and the only man she was interested in was Gregory Peck during his Roman Holiday years. Everything was so much different now, but then again she supposed that was all part of growing up. If only she hadn't decided to get drunk and fall into bed with the person she loathed more than anything in the world. Ellen decided she would rather stick pins in her eyes than ever sleep with a Slytherin ever again. That did not, however, stop her from thinking of him...over...and over again.

The young Ravenclaw who accidentally stumbled into her seemed a bit disoriented. It probably was a bit embarrassing completely running into someone, but Elle was certainly not the type to get angry at that sort of thing. After she got her stance stable again she put on a friendly smile and gave the young woman eye contact. "Don't worry," she said calmly, trying to ease the obviously nervous girl. "It happens to the best of us!" She couldn't say she was exactly surprised that the girl looked a bit uneasy. If she was a fifth year and loonies like Rodolphus were running around rampant she'd probably fear for her life as well. "Ellen Leyden. Seventh Year. Gryffindor," she paused. "It is very nice to meet you Hailey." Ellen's response was very sincere; meeting new and exciting people was on her list of favorite things.

Something in the back of Ellen's mind made her wonder why Hailey was so jumpy. Perhaps today wasn't her best day, but Elle was pretty sure she didn't resemble a dementor. "Hailey, It really isn't a big deal," she raised her brow playfully to show the teen she was perfectly fine. "You can stop apologizing and sit down!" Ellen sat and patted the open spot next to her. You look like you've seen a Boggart!" A warm laugh left her lips. Hailey was the perfect distraction from everything going on in her life. After all her mother gave her both her determination and her soft side, and Hailey certainly looked like she needed someone who was calm. As she waited for the other girl to respond she observed her movements and habits. Writing and observing the world were two things that sort of went together. Ellen made it a habit to deeply observe whoever she was currently in a conversation. Just like she had with Rod, only, she had observed him a bit too deeply. With that, she noticed a rather hideous scar on the young girl's hand, and of course she saw the wince.

There was nothing she wanted to do more than ask her what had happened, but the lady in her knew better. Perhaps, if the conversation took a spin in that direction she would ask. As of now that would probably be considered intrusive, and Ellen was not going to be intrusive. Especially when the girl already looked so freaked out.

TAGGED ! hailey/laura
WORDS ! 579
OUTFIT ! gryffindor robes
LYRICS ! tell me why--laura michelle kelly
TEMPLATE ! PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
NOTES ! late!