in devout persuasion, for a reason

[moony]

maybe if my heart stops beating

WORDS -- OUTFIT CLICK TAGGED MARAUDERS NOTES DERP

in the absence of certainty, he could no longer find stability in his thoughts and words. in such conditions, he would regress into his shell of solidarity, secluded in his own world where no one could touch him. in this place, he could feel as though he was safe from hurting himself, from hurting others, and in temporary control of the underlying situations outside of his confined solitude. in a way, it was his silent escape of facing his reality: that he was, and aways will be, a monster.

he flinched, as though a heated knife had penetrated through his heart. it hurt to know that he was still incapable of reducing his feral likeness, but then again, deep in his heart, he knew it was always so. still, he had expected a somewhat amenable hand when his mind would no longer be his, or of a docile nature that could be surpressed in the presence of a living, breathing being with a beating heart. and yet, just a couple of nights ago, he came so close into shredding one to dust; it was the most unfortunate run-in, with the most unfortunate person to be with. granted, any person with him on a night like that would be an unfortunate soul, but luke had brought it upon himself to stand up to it like that. braving through his heroic figure, his bestial nature could only think of slicing his throat open and mauling his face to complete mutilation.

he closed his eyes at the unpleasant taste of his thoughts, a pained expression on his face.

the afternoon breeze came to his rescue, carresing his face as it blew from his side, unable to penetrate through his tempestuously heated skin. the skies above were crowded with clouds, casting a very mellow feel down below. during the trip from hogwarts to hogsmeade, he had been especially quiet while in the company of his three best friends in the train; the way he lost them while getting off was somewhat of a load-off from his shoulders, but he knew they'd be able to track him down in no time. perhaps, in light of the circumstance, later than usual; in consideration of his current situation, he was deep and drowning in his own seclusion. and they knew that he hated being disappointing, lonesome company. this was mainly why he had veered away in the first place.

he sighed, pinching the bridge betwee his eyes, and then wrapping his arms around his legs as he sat on the ground among the dead leaves, in front of the shrieking shack. there was no more prolonging their knowing of the knowledge that his werewolf secret was no compromised by another party knowing about it. though thankfully it was someone they all knew, the knowing that there was someone else who found out wasn't anywhere near comforting. even just the thought of breaking the pleasantries that had recently come to much of their gladness: james' slowly-but-surely growing ties with lily, sirius' oblivious feelings to the girl he didn't know he even liked, and peter's continual joyous moments in the quiditch team. they were entitled to be free of his melancholic contagion, and that was how he pictured the rest of the day to go.

well, he was allowed to think it, for a brief moment.

eliciting yet another sigh, he placed his legs flat as he leaned back, supporting the back of his head with his hands, and casting a narrowed gaze towards the billowing clouds. much to his delight, they definitely did not even remotely improve in their subtlety. besides, when did he ever get a silent moment when tangled with them?

tell me something, he spoke aloud, endless trains of thoughts ceaseless in their tracks. perhaps he could put off his news, just a little longer. did each of you think differently of me, the moment you figured out what i was?

it won't hurt this much

TEMPLATE BY KHRISTIAN @ CAUTION 2.0, LYRICS BY GUNGOR

[JAMES IGNOTUS POTTER]

face down with your back to the disaster,

There was no better feeling and there were no better words for it: James was walking on sunshine. Honestly he hadn’t stopped smiling all week. It was the longest amount of time he’d ever gone without asking Lily Evans on a date and that was because he didn’t need to, he’d gotten himself one. He had wanted to arrange it for today, take her into Hogsmeade, but he’d already arranged to spend the trip with his friends and they always came first. Especially since they’d said on their train ride to school that they would be spending this weekend in the wizarding village. And James did not bail on his friends. Ever. It was a rule of his, a rule he lived by regardless of the circumstances. It wasn’t a pain to have to suspend his date, not at all; quite honestly he was quite enjoying basking in the late autumn weather with his three best friends, basking in his success at last. It was the happiest he’d ever felt, of that he was sure.

They were sitting near the Shrieking Shack and for that reason, they were alone. James quite liked being one of the few people in on it’s secret. Yes, he felt bad for his friend but he reasoned that there was nothing they could do about it except for support him, and you couldn’t say the other three marauders hadn’t gone out of their way to do just that. James was content. More than that. This had been one of the best weeks of his life and here he was, topping it off by relaxing with his three favourite people in the world. Could things get any sweeter? He wasn’t sure they could. As far as James was concerned anyway. But he could tell there was something up with Remus. There generally was. He didn’t think that bitterly, not in the slightest, James reckoned if he were in the same position, he’d feel down quite often as well. It was just a matter of waiting for his friend to bring up what was bothering him and if he didn’t reveal it soon then Prongs would tease it out of him because he wanted to help. And sure enough, it was Moony who broke the short silence that had momentarily invaded.

Generally good in a crisis was James. He had stayed calm and level headed when he had waded out into the rain to retrieve an exceptionally wounded Sirius over the summer. He had been the one to stay calm when their ‘outings’ with a wolf Moony had gotten a little testing but he still liked to use his humour. It wasn’t as a defence mechanism today though, he took his lupine friend very seriously when he ventured into the subject of his curse but James was many things and one of them was light-hearted. He was also unable to resist the opportunity to make a joke if the opportunity should arise. Plus he hoped to draw a smile from his friend; he was looking rather depressed after all. ”You mean when I first realised you were a dull stick in the mud?” James ruffled his hair up as he spoke. ”No mate because I knew it from the moment I saw you.” He chuckled lightly, leaning back on his hands which were planted in the grass behind him, allowing his expression to turn serious. ”No, Remus, I didn’t.” He gave a small shrug, the way he did whenever he said something to his friends that he reckoned they wouldn’t believe.

[peter]

Normally, Peter enjoyed being with his friends. Normally. But, normally, they weren’t sitting around like rocks, trying to see who could gather the most moss. It was exceedingly boring, being stuck in place while a brood-heavy air slipped over them. Honestly, he hated when his friends had personal issues to attend to. It made them all quite boring. Of course, that wasn’t to say he didn’t have his own problems from time to time, but he liked to think he was much better at dealing with them than his melancholy buddies. Whimpering about it until someone made him feel better was much better than letting it sit and fester, right? He had always thought so. Maybe that was why some of his friends considered him a bit on the annoying side. Eh- details. The fact remained that he was always the least likely to be sitting around in a bad mood thanks to the way he vented his frustrations. Economy of emotions, that’s what it was. These guys spent way too much time on the ‘what ifs’.

They could be doing something fun right at that moment, but they weren’t. Instead, he was stuck listening to deep questions one could write some sad poetry about further on down the line. Like their lives were meant to be sad sonnets! They needed to buck up.

When Remus spoke, Peter wasn’t the first to respond. James had beat him to the punch. Anyway, he needed more time to think things over than most of the others- he wasn’t good with being put on the spot. Or questions, in general. It always felt like he was being tested and he really hated tests. Never did good on them.

So he needed more time to muse over what Remus had asked, while James spoke up. His friend was good at being honest- Peter liked that about him. Though he wondered if that would get him in trouble down the line. Sometimes, it seemed James could be… too trusting. Oh well. He would make sure no one ever betrayed him. In the meantime, he needed to consider the question and hope he could come up with a good answer that didn’t unintentionally make things worse. For whatever reason, he seemed really good a making bad situations even worse. All part of his Peter charm.

Scratching his head, he nodded along with James. “Don’t think it really changed anything,” he mused aloud, unaware he had started answering the question as well, “didn’t think anything different of Sirius when I found out he was a Black, and I didn’t think of anything different of James finding out he’s way better at quidditch than me- don’t see why learning something about someone should change anything if you’re already friends with them before finding out. I mean, you’re exactly the same, right? Just more honest.” He shrugged his shoulders, looking at Remus with his large, almost innocent eyes.

“Why are you asking about something like that now, anyway? Seems a bit late to worry about something like that, mate.” Oblivious as always, he was completely unaware of what might have happened between Remus and anyone else. The boy was not what one would consider ‘in tune’; with other people most of the time. Not when it came to actual news.

He was too busy wondering when they would get to go out and have a bit of fun.

His eyes shifted from his werewolf friend, to James. Was he brooding over something too, or was he a happy camper? It was always hard to tell. And it was even worse with Sirius! Honestly, why couldn’t everyone wear their emotions on their sleeves like he did?

It would make things so much easier.

[madie]

TELL ME THAT YOU'VE GOT EVERYTHING YOU WANT
&& Y O U R B I R D C A N S I N G
BUT YOU DON'T GET ME, YOU DON'T GET ME

Why the four of them were wasting their hogsmeade trip moping about was completely beyond him. Sirius had always the type to drown his sorrows after all, wallowing never really having been his forte. He was far more introverted where feelings were his concerned, preferring to suffer in silence than to make a big deal out of whatever was bothering him. He had double standards where these things were concerned though... after all, he’d never dealt well with seeing his friends suffer. Sirius knew them well enough to tell when they were hurting now, they need not even open their mouths for him to realize. One look at Moony had been enough to convey this plainly- Remus was dwelling. He was hurting.

Some part of Sirius wished to pester it out of him, bug him until he spilled his guts. He knew that was not the correct way to go about things though, it never was where Moony was concerned. The boy had to open up in his own time... think and mull over things before he spoke. Remus was not like James and Peter in that sense... he didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve. Not that James really did either... Sirius had simply gotten better at reading him. A summer at the Potters had left Sirius completely in tune with his friend’s reactions and facial tick’s, the ‘Shut up! My mother doesn’t know about this!” face being one of his favorites. The eldest Black had a particular knack for telling inappropriate stories at the dinner table you see?

At Remus’ words, Sirius felt himself frown a little, completely freeze up. And James, being James, somehow managed to make a joke out of the entire situation, lightning the mood significantly. Usually, Padfoot would have laughed right along with him... but the vulnerable undertone to the other boys voice urged him otherwise. It didn’t make him any less appreciative of his teammates efforts, a joke went quite a way in starting the conversation, it simply made him wary. ”Don’t be daft Moony... ‘course we didn’t” he said in agreeing with the other marauders. ”...you’re still a stick in the mud though” He added eventually, unable to help himself.

...Damn James and his bad influence.

Wrinning slightly, he looked up towards the boy, trying to catch his eyes. He really did worry about Remus sometimes. The boy seemed to take things much harder than his other friends, his self-loathing even rivaling Myrtle’s at times. And everyone knew how she moaned.

”Why? What’s up Doc?” He added, eyebrows raised in questioning. If something was bothering his friend after all... Sirius wanted to know. He needed to know which dumbass to kill next. Messing with a marauder was a surefire way to land yourself on Padfoot’s hit-list after all. ”Who’s ass am I kicking today Moons? He joked halfheartedly, face now somber.

In hindsight, his commentary had not really been needed. Surely Moony would have told them if someone was bothering him... right? He had his own personal body guards after all, there really was no need to hide something like that- which is perhaps what had Sirius so worried.

Because really, If it wasn’t that... then what the hell was it?

tagging Marauders <33
words that many
lyrics your bird can sing by the beatles
notes your awesome notes here
credits this was made by brooke !

[moony]

maybe if my heart stops beating

WORDS ? OUTFIT CLICK TAGGED MARAUDERS NOTES WAHAHA

he pursed his lips, unable to process any words to speak as he took time to comprehend the words exchanged and what real emotion lay underneath. and then he rubbed an with the palm of his hand, squinting towards the sky as he digested each answer. and of course, their answers would orchestrate in the same melody, though differing on how they portrayed their tones. this was precisely why he disliked the fact that, yes, despite his persuasion to resolve mayhem and chaos, and his most rational judgment to solve any problem, he was the one factor in their little family that generated much of the depression and solemn seclusion, that would almost always steer all mind-sets to it. this was why, most of the time, he would opt to be by himself for a time, just to give him space and time to file through his fiasco of a head and kick-start his usual, calm demeanour.

recently, however, he seemed to have been out of luck with his endeavour for that; in all honesty, they seemed to have dispersed through out the week, especially him, by his own choice, as he had withdrew from his always-open approach to anyone and anything. given the circumstances, he could only think to find that he was doing the right thing to worry. maybe. he owed it to professor dumbledore, who had not only made it possible for him to attend hogwarts, but also provided a place where he could hide his lycanthropy during a full moon; he was, after all, the reason for the whomping willow to even be existing in the first place. he felt as though he'd betrayed everything he stood for, even hating himself even more for letting it be so. it could never be helped, the fact that he would pity himself to no end. being the kind of guy who would do anything to make people smile, who abhored violence and sense of immorality, it hurt him to be slapped on the face to realize that he could only do so much to cling to his humanity, that ultimately, he would need to face the fact that what he was was to be rightfully judged and hated.

your conclusions are most devastatingly misinterpreted, sirius, he answered with a slight smirk, not quite helping the curving of his lips as his eyes softened. not today, and not now. he wouldn't lay it on them, because it wasn't theirs to suffer with him. the fact that they already risked their lives every full moon, and even so their lives, for being unregistered animagi, was, he would think, considerably burdening enough. the dynamics of their brotherhood was one of the few things he had no intentions of fracturing, as it was one of the few things that had helped him keep going with his school life. i was just.. wondering. i had the shack all to myself, peter, when the moon had been full. my mind.. wandered, he added, sitting up and turning to look at james and sirius with a playful, offended expression on his face. i apologize for the fact that i cannot be anywhere but be stuck in the mud, and i thank you for rubbing it in.

of course james would be in a much happier place, despite the brooding shroud of depression he had been blanketing for the past hour or so. for a much better muse, ladies, i would have thought that you would be making the world know that you have, finally, captured lily's heart. even though she is still somewhat in denial, he added the last as a mutter, sliding his legs forward and sweeping the ground with his hand, grabbing dead leaves and throwing them towards james. i think we'd all like to know how in the world you were able to turn the tables to your favour. i imagine severus would not be pleased, after all. he remarked pitifully, the slight frown genuine on his face. peter and i would like some pointers, i think. he nodded to wormtail, a chuckle escaping from his parted lips that were curved in a smile. since you and sirius are sincerely off the market.

perhaps it was not one of his best days, but he could only think to steer the subject away from the darkness and trouble of his. his hand stole to his pocket and retrived a honeyduke's chocolate bar, tearing off the wrapper and biting a rather large amount of it.

, note: if you guys wanna get butterbeers, feel free to move remus at your will <3

it won't hurt this much

TEMPLATE BY KHRISTIAN @ CAUTION 2.0, LYRICS BY GUNGOR

[JAMES IGNOTUS POTTER]

face down with your back to the disaster,

With a small twist of his head, James’ attention switched to Peter who was now having his turn at answering Remus’ question. Letting out a small snort when his friend mentioned him being better at quidditch. Usually James would jump at the chance to start a conversation about the magical sport and probably insist that he was better than everybody at quidditch so Pete shouldn’t feel too disappointed but he’d had his say and so he let Wormtail continue. After all, Remus was asking for a reason and he never usually asked anything at all – James wanted to know what had his friend wondering aloud for a change. He sincerely hoped his self-loathing wasn’t getting the better of him because Prongs hated to see any of his friends hurt but more so Remus since he viewed his condition in such a bad light. Contrary to popular opinion, James didn’t always only think about himself.

James let out a snort of laughter as Sirius agreed with his joke, giving his best mate an appreciative grin. But his face turned concerned again as Sirius asked a very good question and his attention returned to Remus. He too was wondering who or what it was that had their friend feeling particularly brooding. But of course Moony would brush it away. It made James want to roll his eyes and ask him Why bring it up in the first place? But he knew better. He understood what went on inside his friend’s mind better than Remus thought he was sure. Sometimes it was best to just let him go, let him have his solitude. Other times, Prongs felt it his duty to follow him and offer support because really, what else was there he could do? He hated to see him pushing everyone away when really, James was sure he just wanted to be followed. He was though, difficult to judge and very good at putting on a bright face. It was easy to get caught up with playful Moony, even moments after having voiced some concerns. ”You’re welcome.” James grinned back lazily.

His grin only widened at the mention of Lily. He felt slightly guilty for now wanting to steal the limelight, after all, Remus had real, serious problems but it was too much imbedded in his nature. ”Yes boys, the red-headed wonder is now in my grasp.” He lifted his arms to cover his face ineptly at the leaves Moony proceeded to throw at him, brushing them from his person, a pondering look on his face. ”I don’t really know,” He mused, casting his mind back to that Saturday morning. ”One minute we were shouting at each other and the next minute she told me-“ He stopped himself just in time, remembering Lily getting him to promise not to reveal to anyone that she had said those three little words. Heat rose to the back of his neck as he realised he had almost completely ruined things for himself so he continued quickly, giving a shrug, ”She just finally realised I’m irresistible I suppose.” He said cockily, swiftly changing tact. ”Took her long enough but I’m willing to forgive. Now all I have to do is take her on the perfect date, charm the pants off of her and revel in the look on Sinvelly’s face when he finds out.” He locked his arms behind his head, his body language exuberating confidence.

”Yes, you and Pete are next to be hooked-up and I have every intention of playing matchmaker for you boys. Anyone either of you fancy digging your teeth into?” He said, pun intended, looking from one to another, watching with amusement as Remus pulled out a chocolate bar. ”C’mon, let’s go and grab a drink, I think we all need to toast my success. And Sirius’?” With a quirk of his eyebrow at the longer haired boy, James jumped up suddenly, wiping the grass that had stuck to his backside as he did so and glancing up at the clouds that were beginning to hover overhead.

---

(pshht. I know it sucks, I’m sorry! <3)