if it means a lot to you [Ellen]

[RODOLPHUS JUDE LESTRANGE]

I SWEAR COME TOMORROW THIS WILL ALL BE IN OUR PAST

Life after Hogwarts had so far gone the way Rodolphus expected it to. Just days after his seventh year had ended he had signed up as a Death Eater just as planned. And now here he was, four years later with a job at the ministry that had allowed him to gather information for the Dark Lord. He’d played a vital part in the uprising, had shown his true loyalty to the cause and hadn’t run away screaming in times of difficulty. It was safe to say that life was perfect. He was married, had a job for life and was richer than he could ever have imagined. Life really was perfect. Well, almost.

Of course the Order of the Phoenix was building up a resistance; they thought they stood a chance at over throwing the Dark Lord. They were sadly mistaken; they just weren’t strong enough. No one was. There resistance would be crushed easily so that wasn’t much of a worry for Rod. In fact he was convinced he could probably take them on single handed. There were a handful of them and everyone else in the wizarding world was wise enough to keep their heads down because everyone knew who was in charge now. No, there was something else. Something he hoped he’d never have to worry about, someone involved who he hoped never he’d never had to lay eyes on again now that they’d finished school and she probably felt the same way considering what had happened at the end of their final term at Hogwarts.

Somehow she had managed to convince herself that he could be changed, made into a better person, that he was a broken, tortured soul who could be fixed by her because she had feelings for him. And people said Rod was crazy. Maybe they should be checking her head as well. Ellen Leyden had messed with the wrong person. If she hadn’t figured that out already by his sleeping with her again just to walk away from her and prove how cold-hearted he could be then she was going to find out now. It had been foolish of him to do it. Again. You’d have thought he’d have learned from that first night in Hogsmeade, but apparently not. He should have cursed her and been done with it but his hormones had been ruling not his head and consequently, Rod had recently heard the worst news of his life.

Working at the Ministry, gathering intelligence, Rod had discovered that Ellen had a three year old son. At first it had meant nothing, the child was recorded as being Kevin Heart’s but then Rod realised the date, did the maths and horror struck him. It meant there was a very real possibility that this child was his. He had to find out for sure. Luckily, it wasn’t too difficult what with his job at the ministry and a combination of dark magic to track her down. And now he was striding up her garden path and banging forcefully on the front door. His wand was held in front of him ready to force entry if necessary because he didn’t particularly care about causing a scene since he was so angry. He wanted answers and he was going to get them.

THAT MIGHT BE FOR THE BEST

tag Ellen
words 549
lyrics adtr - if it means a lot to you
notes I know it's not very good, my starters generally aren't let me know if anything needs changing!

[ELLEN VICTORIA LEYDEN]

but how could you have let me love him
AND POUR THIS FIRE IN MY SOUL FOR HIM WHY?
ONLY TO DENY THE CHANCE TO SHARE A LIFE, TELL ME WHY
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ellen Heart. It was quite odd even after a couple years of marriage to sign things as "Heart" instead of "Leyden." As an idealist teenage girl Ellen's plan had been to advance her career in writing, find a man she loved passionately, have children, and then conform. Like many things in life nothing turned out the way she wanted them to. She fell in love with a man who could never love her back, got herself pregnant by said man, and married her childhood best friend and sweetheart. In retrospect, Kevin was everything she wanted in a husband. He was polite, chivalrous, caring, and loved her far too much. Sometimes she had no idea why he loved her so much; when she looked in the mirror she saw someone worthless and in a way dirty. Ever since that last night she spent with him she felt unworthy of being loved. It was a surprise she managed to survive so long without jumping to her death or casting the killing curse on herself. If she hadn't had little Nathaniel she probably would have done just that, but there was something about her son that kept her alive. He was what she lived for and nobody could take that away.

During her pregnancy she was sure she'd hate the child because he was half Rodolphus, but the moment she held him in her arms she couldn't help but love him. For a year she stayed at home with him while Kevin worked, but after living that horrid lifestyle she had to get a job. Her passion for writing, and her old ambition allowed her to secure a very good job at the Daily Prophet as a journalist. Once she got connected with what was going on in the wizarding world she joined the Order even though her father begged her not to. She understood the risk she was taking, but she was sick of being 'safe.' After all, before any of this she was an adventurous Gryffindor. Joining the Order allowed her to feel as though she was truly standing up for what was right.

Throughout her pregnancy and first year of marriage she hated everything about her life, and she had even attempted to jump. If Kevin hadn't discovered her in time she'd be gone as would their son. After that her family forced her into counseling, and eventually she was given medication to help her. The moment Nate was born she didn't want to take her life anymore, and just like that meaning was brought back into her world. At times she would get angry at herself; she learned to write during those spurts of unhappiness to prevent something horrible from happening. Her marriage seemed to fall back on track after that as well, and she was even currently a month pregnant with their second first child.

If she said she didn't think about Rodolphus that would be a lie. She thought about him quite frequently, especially at the beginning of everything. Through counseling and long conversations with her mother she had helped herself move on, and any thought related to him usually had to do with her son. He looked like his father very much, but she had promised herself she wouldn't let him become someone so diabolical and screwed up. Nate would never know his real father was a very twisted and malicious man. As far as she was concerned the real father to her child was Kevin, and it was going to stay that way.

It was a fairly normal day for Elle. Kev was working as an Auror, and she stayed at home to write. Before she started doing any work she drove her son to her parent's house. The Heart's did own a car because they spent a lot of time in Muggle London, and even lived in a mixed community. The Leyden's resided in the countryside of Oxford, and her mother loved to take care of Nathaniel while Ellen worked. Her mom loved to teach the young one how to read and speak proper English so that he'd have a head start before kindergarten. Of course, Ellen didn't mind this, but she reassured her mother there was nothing to worry about. Both her and Kevin were eloquent speakers.

After dropping the four year old off, Ellen went straight to work. She put her reading glasses on and was researching a couple of things to reference in her article when there was an aggressive banging on her door. What the hell? she asked herself. "I'm coming," she shouted, hoping whoever was knocking would relax with her acknowledgment. The moment she opened the door, however, she realized that was not going to happen. "What are you doing here?" Just looking at him again made her fire up inside with a million different feelings. "Don't answer that. Leave. NOW!" Her docile, even temper was gone. Ellen was furious.

820 WORDS
rod/jazz TAGGED
tell me why-laura m. kelly LYRICS
PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION TEMPLATE
circa 1980-1981 NOTES

[RODOLPHUS JUDE LESTRANGE]

I SWEAR COME TOMORROW THIS WILL ALL BE IN OUR PAST

There was only one thing going through his mind as he stood on her front doorstep banging repeatedly on the front door. He wasn’t bothered about causing a scene in the lovely Oxfordshire countryside. In fact, he rather hoped a couple of muggles walked by so he could unleash this fury he was feeling. The whole surroundings were sickeningly picture perfect. Nice little house in the country, married, kids, good jobs, (he had watched Kevin disappear off to work earlier that morning) they even had a little muggle automobile. It made Rodolphus sick to his stomach that they could live like this, in some mixed race world, amalgamating the magic with the muggle. So conventional. So ordinary. Except for the little boy that paraded around their home, potentially carrying his DNA. The only blight in her otherwise picture perfect world.

The door opened quickly, Rod’s insistency paying off. It swung open and he caught the look of dismayed recognition on her face. It made him smirk, but only for a second. Simply seeing her face brought a flood of memories rushing back. He wasn’t quite prepared for the onslaught of emotion that he felt. She looked slightly different. Older as if life had worn her down rather than older with age. It had only been four years of course. But then a lot had happened in those years. He had worked hard during that time to build himself to the top, to make himself a pureblood to be proud of. And so it wasn’t happy memories that hit him. Granted, there was the sex but otherwise he just felt anger. Especially since what had probably come out of their last close encounter was a mudblood child.

He was prepared to be shoved away. It wasn’t like she was going to invite him inside with a smile, give him a grand tour of the house and put the kettle on. He was ready to have the door slammed in his face and so with a snarl that showed he was a man on a mission he rammed his foot against the door. Using his strength to push the door open with one arm, he used the other to shove Ellen backwards into her hallway as he forced entry into her home. Without looking back, he slammed the front door shut behind him, never once lowering his wand. Surely she was stupid to think that she could keep this hidden forever? Maybe she hoped Rod wouldn’t care. That he would either never find out or turn a blind eye to the fact that he had conceived an unworthy child. The reality was, this was a situation that needed fixing and if Ellen had more sense she would’ve seen this coming and perhaps done a better job at hiding. Then again, Rod was an expert at tracking people down, he was in the ascendancy as well so he had no fears that she would lose him.

A sudden thought struck him as he stood scowling heavily at her in the hallway. What if she wasn’t in hiding because the boy wasn’t actually his son? What if it was Heart’s after all? Well if that was the case then she had nothing to fear . . . yeah right. Rod was here and he was angry and if you were in his presence when he was angry, then things generally wouldn’t end well for you. It was time to cut straight to the chase. ”I want to know the truth!” Rod didn’t want to dally about catching up; he wanted this over and done with as quickly as possible. And then he could go home, put his feet up and wait for Bellatrix. Not that his wife could ever know about any of this. Of course not. He had sworn himself to monogamy once they had gotten engaged half way through their seventh year. Not to mention the whole scenario was so, lower class, for want of a better phrase. Well mannered, proud, pureblood families did not have situations like these to deal with. It was unsanitary. Embarrassing. It certainly did not uphold the Lestrange name.

He waited for a reaction of some kind. She must have figured out what he was doing here by now. Why else would he go to the effort of tracking her down and barging into her home? Quite frankly he had better things to do with his time, people he would rather be spending his day with. And so he waited, for what seemed like an age but was probably only a few seconds for her to react. This was her chance to come clean of her own accord. If Rod had to force the truth out of her then things were going to get messy.

THAT MIGHT BE FOR THE BEST

tag Ellen
words 798
lyrics adtr - if it means a lot to you
notes Ummm yeah. Major God mod right there, don't hate me! I will of course change it if you like, no worries.

[ELLEN VICTORIA LEYDEN]

but how could you have let me love him
AND POUR THIS FIRE IN MY SOUL FOR HIM WHY?
ONLY TO DENY THE CHANCE TO SHARE A LIFE, TELL ME WHY
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

After Rodolphus had rejected her those many years ago she was completely empty inside. Of course, she hadn't been all that surprised to wake up the next morning with him gone, but for some reason her heart had wanted him to stay and love her. Finding out about the pregnancy was not easy for her either, and considering she had Kevin in her life it was far too easy for her to conceal the whole ordeal completely. That didn't stop her from feeling what she felt, and even now staring at him with complete hatred, for a second, she could remember a time when she loved him. A time when he seemed more human than beast.

Ellen could feel the anger Rod felt, but she wasn't afraid of him. Had she been the young Gryffindor girl she was many years ago she'd be completely afraid, but put on a brave front. Now she simply didn't care; Elle had punished and hurt herself so many times it was almost refreshing to have someone other than her conscience beating her up. Actually, after the initial shock of seeing him she felt as if she was in a dreamlike trance. Here they were, two people who knew each other in school seeing each other for the first time in four years. So many emotions were swelling up inside of her that she felt as though her chest would break open. Hate, passion, lust, love, loathing. Feeling them all at once was overwhelming, so overwhelming she was surprised she was still standing. Eventually hatred surfaced as the dominant emotion, and she acted so obviously out of that emotion.

Feeling herself being pushed into her own home by the man she hated more than anything only caused her to loath him even more. The worst part was she couldn't do anything because her wand was upstairs in her room, and physical assaults would not work on someone as strong as Rodolphus. All Ellen could do was steady herself, and prepare herself for whatever abuse he'd use on her. After all, he was clearly here on vendetta; nobody was simply this angry just because, and Rodolphus was not the type to indulge in nostalgia. If he was here for the reason she thought he was here for he would have to do more than bully his way into getting an answer. She was no dummy, telling him that Nate was his son would mean he'd try and kill him. Ellen could not let that happen; she would even go to the grave to keep her son alive.

Her heart was pounding in her chest as he made his reason for barging into her house more than crystal clear. Fire started to burn inside of her chest. This side of her had never been unleashed, and it frightened her a bit. Ellen was far more frightened of herself than she was of the man capable of murdering many. "How dare you," her words were said with such disdain and silent hatred they could practically cut ice. "How dare you come here and invade my life!" Her stance was cautious, ready to dodge him or run if she needed to. "You have no idea what I've gone through, and for you to come in here and break into my house!"

Angrily Ellen walked up to him, not caring what the consequences were, and started him straight into his eyes. "You want to know the truth?" She repeated back to him mockingly before slapping him across the face. "You'll never know the truth," She was ready to endure what ever it was he was going to throw at her.

610 WORDS
rod/jazz TAGGED
tell me why-laura m. kelly LYRICS
PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION TEMPLATE
it's perfectly fine :] and pleasantly dramatic! NOTES

[RODOLPHUS JUDE LESTRANGE]

I SWEAR COME TOMORROW THIS WILL ALL BE IN OUR PAST

People really did get quite annoyed when you intruded their houses. In Rod’s opinion that course of action was completely necessary. He had to get inside and she obviously wasn’t going to let him in voluntarily. He didn’t want to be forced into barging his way in, he had manners and etiquette after all, but she had made it that way. Therefore it was her fault really. All of this was her fault. He blamed her for this entire mess. For having to spend his seventh year half regretting, half revelling in that first night he spent with her. The confusion, the uncertainty drove him crazy. Half of the time he’d find himself wanting to flirt with her, the other half wanted to kill her dead for her pathetic speeches about feelings and wanting to change him. ”I have every right to be here and you know it.” He growled back at her, his voice low and dangerous.

She was angry. And although he did expect rage from her, it irritated him. It meant that she was prepared to fight, prepared to stand up to him and more than likely lie which would stretch this process out unbearably. He had wanted this to be nice and easy. Intimidate her a little bit, have her confess and then he could be done with it all. But no, things were going to be done the hard way. If that was the case, then Rod figured he might as well make the most of it. He might as well at least try and enjoy the torture that it looked like he was going to have to inflict on her. Probably wouldn’t be too difficult since he hated her guts. Hopefully she could see just how far he was willing to go. His expression was murderous.

He lowered his wand ever so slightly as she advanced on him. He wasn’t used to that sort of reaction. Usually when Rodolphus was pointing his wand at someone that someone was cowering in fear. Anger and shouting he was prepared for, physical violence against him, he was not. The slap took him by surprise and was consequently even more painful. He blinked a few times as he processed the stinging in his cheek. When he moved his head once again to look at her; his eyes flashed angrily, lip curled, tongue moistening his bottom lip. His automatic response was to hex her and with a flick of his wand he sent a stinging jinx her way. The stream of magic left his wand powerfully though not necessarily accurately in his increased rage. But even if the spell did not hit its intended target it still served well as a warning.

”Let’s not play games, Ellen.” He spat at her, her name tasting sour on his tongue. ”You will not win.” In a duel, Rod would back himself every time. Not only was he well versed in non-verbal spells, he obviously wasn’t afraid to use the big curses that would instantly render his opponent powerless when hit by one. It had not slipped him by that Ellen had not drawn her own wand. She had obviously felt foolishly safe enough to leave it off of her person in her own home. So although she was putting up more of a fight than he had ever seen her do before, without her wand she was useless. Already Rod had a huge advantage. He took a menacing step forwards, wand pointing directly at her chest, his voice still a low threatening growl. ”Enlighten me then as to what you’ve been through - I know you have a son. I know how old he is.” Really she’d obviously figured out the reason for his appearance by now but it did no harm for him to spell it out for her. ”Were you screwing us both or is he . . . mine?” He almost choked on the last word; it hurt him to say it out loud.

THAT MIGHT BE FOR THE BEST

tag Ellen and an angry Roddy
words 666 - how spooky is that!?
lyrics ADTR - if it means a lot to you
notes Good & Rod likes dramatic xD

[ELLEN VICTORIA LEYDEN]

but how could you have let me love him
AND POUR THIS FIRE IN MY SOUL FOR HIM WHY?
ONLY TO DENY THE CHANCE TO SHARE A LIFE, TELL ME WHY
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

On normal circumstances she'd agree with him, but after four years of complete silence from him she found his visit a bit arbitrary. What was he accomplishing by beating a problem that was already archived in the ancient history section of her brain. Not to mention the fact he was a complete lunatic and crazy man, and she did not want that kind of a person in her home when she had a little boy around. Thank God she had decided to drop him off at her mother's today. "You have no right to be here. Not after how you treated me four years ago." Elle regretted ever feeling the slightest bit of pity for him--this sorry excuse for a human being. Perhaps if he had entered her house as a gentleman instead of trying to bash her door down she wouldn't be quite as hysterical, or at least she'd be less hysterical.

Just by looking at him she could tell he was willing to torcher, and possibly kill her if he had to; the expression on his face gave away his intentions. That was the difference between them. Rod was willing to perform deeds even the devil found cruel to get his way, and Ellen would never dream of harming human life. The idealist in her disabled her ability to kill and even prevented her from seriously hurting someone. She hated to see people in pain and that's one of the reasons why she was so attracted to Rod. Her intuitive nature allowed her to read how much pain he felt. If only that innocent girl from years ago had realized what she was getting herself into...if only.

Slapping Rodolphus Lestrange was probably not the best decision she had made in her life, but now that it was done she felt a bit of satisfaction in finally doing it. Elle only allowed herself to revel in her accomplishment for a split second, for she expected him to do something to her far more painful than a slap. The second she saw the blinding glow of light leave his wand she dodged it. Obviously Rod's anger empowered the spell a great deal, but also caused his terrible inaccuracy. Most people probably would have submitted to him by now, and Ellen was even surprised that she still didn't have the desire to. Simply knowing her son would be killed if he knew the truth gave her strength she never thought she had.

As she listened to his threats she could only smile on the inside. He didn't realize just how willing she was to die to save her child. The only she lived for was him, and if Rodolphus killed her son she would have no reason to stay alive. At least her death at his hand would be less sinful than death by her own doing. "Maybe I won't win my life, but I already consider myself the victor. I have more love in my heart than you ever will," she spat back at him. The man standing in front of her didn't have the capability of loving anyone. Ellen just wished she had realized that before she made this mess.

A sickening laugh left her mouth as she listened to him pining her to tell him if her son was his as well. "Do you take me for an idiot? If I tell you he's yours you'll kill him, and if I tell you he's Kevin's you won't believe me and probably still kill him just as a precaution," she glared at him with hatred. "Enlighten you? How about the fact I nearly jumped off a cliff during my honeymoon? Or how my mother forced me into muggle counseling because she was worried? That Kevin is afraid to leave me alone because he thinks I'll run away and kill myself if he's not there. I have to take pills everyday to keep myself from doing something absolutely horrible." Tears were rolling down her face. Saying the things out loud made her realize how pathetic her life really was. "If you kill my son...he's what's kept me alive throughout these years," she looked away from Rodolphus. "And if you kill me now you'll be killing my other child as well," she had forgotten until now, and she realized her death would mean the death of her embryo.

730 WORDS
rod/jazz TAGGED
tell me why-laura m. kelly LYRICS
PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION TEMPLATE
la la la NOTES

[RODOLPHUS JUDE LESTRANGE]

I SWEAR COME TOMORROW THIS WILL ALL BE IN OUR PAST

At her words, Rod laughed. Actually laughed because he was highly amused by what she had said. It was a half laugh, half scoff really. He couldn’t quite believe she had the nerve to think it was his fault. ”I’m sorry, I was not aware that not returning your love,” He spat the word out as if it didn’t even deserve to exist. Love, to Rodolphus was a fallacy. There was great lust and there was fondness for something but feelings didn’t extend further than that. ”Was a crime. You were the one foolish enough to think I could be changed.” He said it mockingly. He had only treated her that badly so as to prove to her that he was who he was so she could get the hell over him. If anything, he’d done her a favour and she should be thanking him, not blaming him.

They exchanged their blows. Rod missing his target but no matter, he wouldn’t miss again. He’d reacted brashly and without thinking; her show of aggression had not gone down well with him. He rolled his eyes at her words not even deigning to give her an answer. Having love in his life was the last thing that he wanted. He didn’t understand people’s obsession over relationships. He smirked; pleased that she had caught on. ”Looks like you lose either way then, doesn’t it?” He decided to try for the manipulative route, his voice soft and gentle all of a sudden. "But it doesn't have to be that way. Save yourself. Just tell me. And I'll walk away, you'll never see or hear from me again." She had fallen for his manipulative charm once before, there was no harm in trying it again.

She looked weak and pathetic all of a sudden, standing there crying like her life was a cruel world. Maybe it was to her, she had obviously had a good upbringing; had been taught the social convention of wanting normality and order in the future for herself as well. And that’s what she had tried to do here. She had a house in an idyllic location, was married, kids . . . but life didn’t work that way for everyone, Rod knew that. He’d grown up watching his father blow his inheritance, get roaring drunk and take out all of his anger on their mother. This was her realising that life was hard, things didn’t come easily to everybody and apparently she didn’t deal very well with that realisation. Rod had grown cold and learned to not let things bother him, learned to shut people out but it seemed Ellen cared too much to be able to do that.

He was just about to roll his eyes and ask her to spare him her sob story but her words made several things fall into place in his brain. “And why is that?” Rod quirked an eyebrow, his mind was quickly putting two and two together and coming up with an even four. All of this hurt and confusion she had been feeling that had quite frankly wrecked her life. It satisfied him greatly to know that it had been him that had caused her such pain but that meant that she was depressed and feeling like that because she had to live with the guilt of her child being fathered by him. . . Surely? “Is that because every time you look down at your son you see my face?” It was really hitting him now. Before there had been a shred of uncertainty, although the thought angered him, it wasn’t anything near as great as he felt now. ”He’s mine isn’t he?” He took in a deep, shuddering breath, the thought disgusting him completely. ”Isn’t he!” He added, his voice going up several decibels. This time he flicked his wand with extra intent to harm, the cruciatus curse being his choice, just aiming a short, sharp blast her way. A little hint at what was to come if she tried to mess him around anymore.

Trying to reason with a man who has no concept of empathy doesn’t work. He was sure Ellen was simply voicing her fears out loud, maybe partly in hope that Rodolphus would spare her and her unborn baby’s life if he knew she was carrying a child. But that child was even more of a mudblood than his own bastard son and so in Rod’s eyes, its death and hers too, would not be a loss to the world. In fact, he was just fulfilling his duty as a Death Eater. This was his purpose in life; to cleanse the world of those with dirty blood. He would be doing the world a favour by destroying this family. He had been completely brainwashed into thinking that this was the right thing to do; he was completely sold on the cause and he would reap the rewards because of that. And at the end of the day, it was simply himself that mattered the most.

THAT MIGHT BE FOR THE BEST

tag Ellen/Rod
words 840
lyrics ADTR - if it means a lot to you
notes .... yeah. xD

[ELLEN VICTORIA LEYDEN]

but how could you have let me love him
AND POUR THIS FIRE IN MY SOUL FOR HIM WHY?
ONLY TO DENY THE CHANCE TO SHARE A LIFE, TELL ME WHY
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

His response was expected, and Ellen's look was not that of surprise. That didn't mean she was fully convinced. She wasn't fully convinced the first time he told her he didn't feel anything for, and she wasn't fully convinced now. Back then it had torn her apart. All she wanted was for him to love her back; now that all seemed so small in comparison to her life now. "You were the one who was foolish enough to sleep with someone who actually had a heart," she spat at him. "To sleep with someone who could actually grow to care for someone as sick and twisted as you are." Sadly, she had grown to feel somewhat sorry for him, but now she only felt contempt. He hadn't deserved her; if only she realized that years before.

To say his words didn't tempt her would be a lie. Had a gentleman been in Rod's place, then she'd agree to his terms, but now she knew better. Everything he said was a lie, and he manipulated his lies perfectly so that one heard exactly what they wanted to hear. "Save your pity," she said hatefully. "It's all a lie anyway." No matter how attractive he made himself, or how tempting his offers were nothing would make her trust him ever again. She had no reason to because she knew he'd never let a mudblood child that was his ever live. It had to be very exhausting to lie to everyone in the world, especially yourself. With that thought, Ellen had a silent epiphany. Hadn't she been doing that these past years?

This whole confrontation was very difficult for her. After so many years of hiding behind her family, repairing what had been broken, and starting fresh Rod managed to come into her home and strip her raw. Whenever she was around him she felt incredibly vulnerable, and she did not like that one bit. Having her beliefs tossed aside and trampled on hurt, but the worst part was the whole confusion of the current situation. She wanted nothing more than to beat him up, but a small part of her still wanted him. A bit of the young, innocent Ellen must have still been in her; the Ellen who believed in the best in everybody.

Fear crossed over her eyes as Rod placed the final piece into the puzzle. There was nothing she could do now except beg for her and her son's life. "YES!" she screamed as loud as she could. "Is that sufficient enough for you?" The emotions both of them radiated were extreme, and she wasn't entirely sure what would become of them. "He is your son." Her words were but a whisper and she wasn't sure if he heard them. That wasn't the point, they were more for herself than for him. Before she could continue thinking anymore she was hit with the cruciatus curse. The pain was so great she couldn't think of a word to describe it. When the misery was finally finished she looked him straight in the eye to show she was not afraid of him. "You will not touch my child." Her voice and composure were both audacious, confident, and daring.

Ellen didn't want to believe Rodolphus would actually kill his own son, but the reality of it was he would. Despite the fact she didn't want to admit it, a part of her felt bad for him. This man was so brainwashed that he was willing to kill his own son to save his precious bloodline. How could status be worth killing an innocent child? If Ellen could stop this madness she would even if it cost her life and her unborn child's. "I feel nothing but sympathy for you...you pitiful, sorry excuse for a human being." Perhaps a tad bit over dramatic, but she couldn't keep herself from saying it. "All you see is yourself and your irrelevant blood purity! How can you kill a child whose only crime was being born? A child who is your son!" she paused to catch her breath. At this point she couldn't stop the words from coming. "In the end your so called 'sin' doesn't go away because you still slept with a mudblood! You still slept with ME! TWICE," she was going to get it now. "Why did you do it to begin with? You knew exactly what you were getting yourself into."

740 WORDS
rod/jazz TAGGED
tell me why-laura m. kelly LYRICS
PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION TEMPLATE
angry ellen never knows when to shut up NOTES

[RODOLPHUS JUDE LESTRANGE]

I SWEAR COME TOMORROW THIS WILL ALL BE IN OUR PAST

It wasn’t unexpected that she didn’t believe his manipulations. But it seemed he didn’t have to manipulate the truth from her anyway. The word seemed to echo through the room, over and over again, Ellen’s voice screaming ‘yes’ at him. The one word he had feared. There were no ifs and buts anymore. He had conceived a child with this woman and his blood reached boiling point. He felt something else as well and it took him a little while to realise that it was fear. He was afraid that this could get out, that his fellow death eaters, maybe even the Dark Lord would hear of his tryst with her and he would be looked down upon forever more. All of that hard work that he’d done to earn trust, to get himself in the Dark Lord’s inner circle would all be wasted if anybody heard of this and that thought scared him the most. And for that reason alone, the boy had to die, Ellen had to die and he might as well hunt down Kevin and kill him as well, finish the job properly, complete the set.

He had an agenda now and his mind opened up with the clarity. Once his mind was set on something he could focus and he would focus on nothing but his plan. That sort of determination was what helped him succeed over the years. He wasn’t distracted ever. He simply stared at her, unable to find the words or the emotions to let her know how he was feeling. And again, it took him a little while to realise that he was shocked. At himself. For ever allowing this to happen in the first place. Yes, he had come here full well knowing that he could have fathered her child but having it confirmed was completely different. There was no roar of rage; there was no ill-judged curse. There was just silence. Silence until she told him that he wouldn’t be touching the child and that was what kicked Rod into action. He stepped towards her, one slow, menacing step at a time until he was leering directly down at her, wanting to see her cower at his words. ”He will die.” His tone was quiet, barely above a whisper but she heard. She heard the conviction in his tone, the malice.

He knew that this would happen, the distraction game was going to be played; she was about to do or say anything to preserve her son’s and her own life for as long as possible. Rod was happy to play along with it for now because her words struck a chord and he had answered before he could stop himself. ”I was young, I was drunk, I was stupid. And you were around, that's all. We all do things that we regret.” His words were full of venom aimed at her but really he was mad at himself and he was unable to hide that. He shouldn’t have been so stupid, he was better than that; he had more control than that. Even at seventeen years old the one thing others commented on was his great ability to pretend he didn’t care and to act like the good, upstanding pureblood man that he was. ”I didn’t think. I wasn’t thinking. Not with my brain anyway.” He stood; staring blankly at her now but inside his brain was alive with thoughts, not many of them good ones. He had been strangely drawn to her, there had been a part of him that had craved the attention, craved that she saw a good side to him, a side he had thought he’d abandoned many, many years ago. But Ellen saw it and, Merlin forbid he would ever say it out loud but he had liked that and had liked her because of it.

But it was all gone now. There was nothing good left inside of him, all he felt for her was pure hatred. And that was the emotion he decided upon. These were Ellen Leyden’s final moments in life. At some point soon Rod was going to pull the trigger and it would all be ended. Knowing that he had that sort of power, the ability and the guts to use that sort of power, made him feel God-like. He pulled the strings. And she was going to suffer. Suffer for not aborting the baby like she should have done, for keeping this from him, for almost ruining his reputation and career. That was enough to set him off again, sending the cruciatus curse her way again, this time a lengthier, harsher dose. ”He is not my son.” He snarled at her, lashing out once more. ”I will find him, I will kill him and I will sleep soundly in my bed tonight knowing that the world is free of three more mudbloods.” He would, once all of this was over and done with, the relief would be euphoric. ”You did the wrong thing all those years ago. You should have aborted it and then jumped off that cliff. Done the world a favour. You’re a sorry excuse for a mother; you gave up and told me so quickly.” He sneered at her. "Are you going to tell me where he is and make my job even easier?" He wanted her to hurt; he wanted to inflict as much physical and mental pain on her as possible.

THAT MIGHT BE FOR THE BEST

tag Ellen/Rod
words 909
lyrics ADTR - if it means a lot to you
notes sorry for the wait!

[ELLEN VICTORIA LEYDEN]

but how could you have let me love him
AND POUR THIS FIRE IN MY SOUL FOR HIM WHY?
ONLY TO DENY THE CHANCE TO SHARE A LIFE, TELL ME WHY
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

In the silence after she gave the game up she realized how much power she had held over him over the years. If she had simply spilled the truth about her child's father the Dark Lord would have found out and punished Rodolphus and perhaps they wouldn't be having this conversation, but Ellen was not that kind of person. Perhaps if she was cruel and calculating she would have done it. Telling Kevin risked her losing him, and she couldn't bear that. He had been her best friend and confidante for years, and to him she was the image of perfection. If he knew she had a child with a psychopath he'd completely change his view of her. Their love had started off so pure and innocent, and they trusted each other so much. Ellen believed in their marriage, and if she hadn't slept with Rod those years ago they probably would have grown old together, but now she couldn't see that happening. Rod was either going to kill her and everyone in her life, or worse, kill everyone in her life but leave her living. Fear filled her body at the thought of that.

His anger was very obvious, and the long silence only showed that he was all the more pissed off. Rodolphus was definitely not happy with this discovery, and she doubted he'd come to terms with it. Perhaps the man she had fallen in love with could have, but this disgusting creature standing in front of her would never accept her child. All she could do now was hope Kevin was smart enough to realize her death meant it was no longer safe for them, and he'd take their family and run. Her death was imminent she knew it was, and she accepted it which was why she didn't cower as he walked towards her. If she was going to die at his hand she was going to die proudly and bravely. With his face inches away from her all she could do was stand there defiantly and wait for him to say or do whatever he was going to do. When he finally did speak something switched on for her. Rod was going to do whatever he could to kill her son. She had always known it, but hearing him say it caused a fire within her. A fire that caused her to physically assault him as hard as she could. Elle was not strong by any means, but she wanted to at least do some damage to him. Her attempt was useless.

The excuse he gave her was the excuse he had given her, but she never accepted it, and she didn't accept it now. She laughed at his words, at the excuses he made, and at how idiotic he looked. "Don't you think sleeping with a lowly Leyden is a bit of a stretch? Even drunk." If she could take back that one night she would, but she couldn't. The inevitable attraction she had for him confused her at first, but eventually she accepted it. Obviously he didn't, and that had hurt her before she realized she didn't need to make herself unhappy wanting him when there was someone who loved her completely. "I loved you because I believed you had something good in you, and I couldn't leave that alone." If everything was going to come out it might as well all come out. "I hated myself for it, but I came to terms with it, and I believed that you are the way you are because of the circumstances in which you were brought up." All her life questions, perhaps, would all be answered, but knowing Rod she wasn't counting on it. "You wanted to believe it too. Didn't you?" she paused. "Didn't you? Only you chose her in the end."

She looked up at him breathing in and out deeply. The coldness behind his eyes was disturbing and chilled her to the bone. How could someone actually be corrupted this far? Those lingering thoughts were interrupted by the cruciatus curse. The pain was much more intense than the warning he had used on her before, and even though she didn't want to cry out she had to. Tears were rolling down her face as he taunted her, but she was not willing to believe a word of any of it. Aborting her child would go against her morals, and she had given everything she could for her son. "No." She got out. "He's not your son. You aren't worthy of being the father of something truly beautiful and precious." Any child he produced with his lovely wife would be corrupted, evil, and twisted just like him. She couldn't believe her ears when he asked her to spill where her son was. All she could say was: "Go to Hell."

809 WORDS
rod/jazz TAGGED
tell me why-laura m. kelly LYRICS
PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION TEMPLATE
tis' alright! NOTES

[RODOLPHUS JUDE LESTRANGE]

I SWEAR COME TOMORROW THIS WILL ALL BE IN OUR PAST

He simply sneered at her pathetic attempt at assault. Not only was she weak and he ten times stronger than her physically, she didn’t really have the guts to hurt him properly. Rod wouldn’t be surprised if she did manage to injure him that she subsequently tried to patch it up afterwards, apologising profusely as she went along. To really cause someone pain you had to want it, not only want to be angry at them, but actually want to hurt them and feel good about it. You had to want to watch them suffer at your hand. Rod knew how to injure properly, Ellen should already know that. And so he dismissed her futile attempts at attacking him. It wasn’t worth getting wound up about. ”I think you’re forgetting how obvious you were being that night.” He snapped back at her, admittedly a little surprised at how petty this argument was given the current circumstances but there wasn’t a lot he could let slide when it came to her.

He wanted her to shut up. He’d heard all about her love for him before and it still made him sick to the stomach just like it had back then. The words were painful for him but they struck a chord. Rod really didn’t want to give her the satisfaction but the words were tumbling out of his mouth before he could stop them and once he had started it was easier to carry on. ”Yes! Alright, are you happy now?” He yelled at her, shoving her backwards in his rage. ”Yes, I wanted to believe it and I liked that you wanted me, that when everybody else constantly accused me of being sick and twisted you saw through it! I tried everything to get you out of my head but you were always there!” There was actually something quite therapeutic about saying it, like he was getting it off of his chest once and for all. It was all part of the closure. No one else had looked at him like Ellen had in a very long time. Even his mother had started to fear him, seeing the coldness in his heart, the likening to his father. Ellen could see where his own mother couldn’t, could see that there was still a good part inside of him.

It wasn’t there anymore. His soul was broken now; he’d killed too many people. His eyes glazed over slightly, his voice quieting as he gave her an answer to the question she hadn’t actually asked. ”My father was an alcoholic. He used to hit my mother.” There was much, much more to it than that but that was all she was getting. ”He’s dead now. I killed him.” He wasn’t trying to scare her further necessarily, she just needed to know that there was no changing him, it wasn’t just his screwed up home life, it was that there was something fundamentally wrong with him. ”You think he brought me up to do that?” He shook his head, answering his own rhetorical question. From a very young age he had vowed to kill his father and hell, he’d stab his own brother in the back if he had to.

”I didn’t choose Bellatrix, our parents chose us.” He said the words almost bitterly. Yes, he had been attracted to her during their schooldays, more so than anybody else and he had always imagined that there would be no better person to end up being married to. She fitted him perfectly and he her. He had thought. That was until they had joined forces with the Dark Lord and it seemed he had much more to offer her than Rodolphus did. He’d been shoved to one side, no longer the centre of her attention, the attention he had held all through school despite both of their tendencies to stray, and she had always come crawling back to him. Until now. Now they stayed together purely for aesthetic sake. For pride. They were actually less suited to each other than Rod had first thought. If he had been able to pick his own wife, he probably would still be a bachelor since he couldn’t be seen marrying any of the women he had actually been interested in over the years. ”You sound jealous?” He stated, not being able to hide his satisfaction at thinking that maybe she was bitter that he hadn’t chosen her.

If she had any sense, she would be doing her best to keep his anger down, not enraging him further. Telling him to go to hell was not a good idea for her, her husband or her son. ”I’ll find him anyway, he’s going to die. Maybe I’ll tell him that I’m his father before I do it,” He said thoughtfully, enjoying being vicious about the whole thing. ”Maybe his last thoughts will be of confusion and hurt and fear. And it’ll all be your fault.” His heart was racing, the adrenaline pumping through his body, adding to the thrill. This was the buzz he liked getting from winding people up. Sometimes words were much more effective than spells. But he had plans to hurt her physically as well.

THAT MIGHT BE FOR THE BEST

tag Ellen/Rod
words 869
lyrics ADTR - if it means a lot to you
notes so he's not acting exactly like i thought he would,
he doesn't usually talk so much but heh

[ELLEN VICTORIA LEYDEN]

but how could you have let me love him
AND POUR THIS FIRE IN MY SOUL FOR HIM WHY?
ONLY TO DENY THE CHANCE TO SHARE A LIFE, TELL ME WHY
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

His comment was very true; Ellen had put herself out there that night. That did not make him less responsible for any of this because it was his attention that made her feel so confident. If both of them had stopped drinking after a certain amount the whole situation could have been avoided, but it wasn't, and there was nothing Ellen could do about that. Every day since she turned sixteen her mother had stressed to her that sex was a very adult thing and that it changed everything. Usually Ellen took her mother's advice regarding just about all things, and about 99 percent of the time the guidance was correct. It angered her so much that the one time she didn't follow her mother's words of wisdom would be the one time that changed everything for her. For weeks she told herself it was simply the alcohol and the sex, and when it became so blatantly obvious she felt something more than hatred for him she got scared.

For four years she wanted nothing more than to hear the words that he was saying to her now. All along she had known, but that did not keep her from feeling shocked. His words only registered completely when he shoved her back, and when they did the could feel her heart break. "Why couldn't you just believe a little harder?" she asked, a single tear rolling down her face. She desperately didn't want it to fall from her eye, but she couldn't help it. Crying in front of him made her look vulnerable and weak; that was the opposite of what she wanted. There was nothing Ellen had wanted more than to be with him. Honestly, truly, with him. If he had said those words to her four years ago she would have been satisfied, now it just made her more confused.

As Rodolphus told her of his past she couldn't begin to fathom living in a situation like that. Her parents loved each other more than life itself, and even though she wasn't regarded as the pureblood princess she could have been, she was happy he chose love over status. The Gryffindor in her wanted desperately to say just what she was thinking, but she managed to refrain herself from doing so. Everyday she wondered why purebloods were so special. Never would she understand. His next words did not surprise her at all, but that didn't keep her from looking slightly shocked. Vengeance was Rodolphus, but there was shock in actually hearing such words out loud. "You didn't bring yourself up that way either." Ellen gently placed a hand on his cheek. "I couldn't imagine living a loveless childhood, but that doesn't mean you have to continue living like that." She looked him in the eyes, still uncertain as to why she was doing this. "Somebody loved you once. How can you not see that?"

The bitterness in his voice surprised her just as much as his last comment. "I thought you two were meant to be together. Always. Forever. Soulmates." The words were spoken cruelly, and honestly Ellen wished she hadn't said it. It wasn't like her to attack the personal lives of even her worst enemy. The obvious marital problems between the man standing in front of her and his wife was not her business. Mocking his marriage was not only mean, but also very hypocritical. Her relationship with Kevin was certainly not a bed of roses, but she figured their problems were completely different. Their marriage was so perfect in theory, but in the end it was so wrong. Everything between them had felt so rushed, and ultimately that's what destroyed what could have been a beautiful marriage. "I was never jealous of Bellatrix. She's crazy, more so than you, but I was always angry she got you in the end." Recalling the past brought a slight smile to her face. "Back then I'd say she didn't deserve you."

Just as she thought she was feeling something like joy, Rod's viciousness dominated his every move. The treats her shot at her struck something within her more than the other ones. "You wouldn't dare!" But she knew deep down that he could, and probably would do what he said. "What did he ever do to you?" Ellen had done a good job at concealing the whole thing that her son's existence didn't really harm Rod's career or well being. Before today she was sure she had never even crossed his mind.

753 WORDS
rod/jazz TAGGED
tell me why-laura m. kelly LYRICS
PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION TEMPLATE
this was difficult for me to write for some reason; sorry if it's a bit bleh NOTES

[RODOLPHUS JUDE LESTRANGE]

I SWEAR COME TOMORROW THIS WILL ALL BE IN OUR PAST

This wasn’t what was supposed to happen. They weren’t supposed to be having a catch-up; they weren’t supposed to be exchanging life stories. Give him a cup of tea in replace of his wand and they could’ve been two old school friends tying up loose ends. But there was an undercurrent of malice to the situation and something about the two of them that made Rod feel like this was necessary. However much he loathed it. Something inside of him wanted her to understand and he wanted to understand her. It wasn’t that he still had some sort of emotional attachment to her, hell no; he would pull the trigger so easily when the moment came. But he was in no huge rush anymore since their conversation had taken this unexpected turn. He figured it wouldn’t hurt to tell her, she wasn’t going anywhere and the dead told no tales.

He felt uncomfortable and fidgety bearing his soul like this. He’d never done it before. He didn’t exactly wear his heart on his sleeve, he didn’t go around complaining about his emotions at all really, it was just generally very obvious when he was angry but otherwise, no one ever knew how he was really feeling. His fingers of his free hand twisted around themselves, his face contorted as if admitting it had been physically painful for him. He had been unable to comprehend just how much she had cared back then; he didn’t believe it was possible, however convincing her words might have been to someone else, Rodolphus was just too sceptical. Even now, in spite of the tears, he couldn’t quite wrap his mind around it. ”I couldn’t.” He sneered at her because it was so much easier to be angry. ”Not only would it have been completely screwed up and gone against everything I was raised to be, I didn’t want to feel that way. I’m not that person.” He had too much pride.

Maybe they would never understand each other, Rod was beginning to realise that that was probably very likely. He flinched, jerking his head away from her hand, confused, not only by the show of affection itself, but the fact that she’d done it in such a high intensity situation. It was acts like this that Rod would never fathom. The ability to care too much was a weakness; it was why he was in charge, not her. Power was the ultimate goal, not love and being kind. ”You were wrong to.” His voice was quiet but the words were full of hate. Her other words confused him slightly but he didn’t want to let that show so he ignored them. What else was he supposed to do? He’d been taught that he was to be the alpha male, to exert authority, to punish those that were not of pureblood. Yes, he’d been shown little affection in return but by the time he was old enough to maybe realise that the way he’d been brought up was wrong, it had been too late, he’d reached the point of no return. ”But you didn’t love me,” He told her, thoroughly convinced that this was true not just because he thought he was unlovable but because he didn’t believe in the concept of love at all. ”You might have been attracted to me but don’t kid yourself into ever thinking that you were in love. It doesn’t exist.”

He knew that because he had never felt it. If it was possible to love then how come, considering all of the women he had ever been with, throwing even Ellen and Hailey and Bellatrix into the mix, how had he not been in love with any of them? And that’s why he curled his lip at her words. Always, forever, soulmates. They were childish, fantasy, fairy tale words for dreamers. ”She doesn’t.” He agreed, not that he’d have said that back then. ”But she deserved me a hell of a lot more than you did.” Yet again, it all came down to bloodline. And perhaps partly because Bellatrix was crazier even than him and maybe he found a certain level of comfort in that.

”That’s not the point. He is not of pureblood.” It was infuriating, her lack of understanding. ”I’m sick and tired of having to explain this to you.” And quick as a flash he was back to his usual angry self, mad at the world and unleashing his hatred on everyone that got in his way. ”Try me.” Was all he growled back at her, even though he knew she believed he would do it.

THAT MIGHT BE FOR THE BEST

tag Ellen/Rod
words 771
lyrics ADTR - if it means a lot to you
notes meh it’s sucky, sorry!

[ELLEN VICTORIA LEYDEN]

but how could you have let me love him
AND POUR THIS FIRE IN MY SOUL FOR HIM WHY?
ONLY TO DENY THE CHANCE TO SHARE A LIFE, TELL ME WHY
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Honestly, she blamed herself for this whole problem. Ellen would never admit it to him, but she did. Had she been stronger she wouldn't have slept with him that first time, and the feelings she felt wouldn't have developed. If the feelings weren't developed she would not have slept with him that last time and there would be no pregnancy. The two of them would have gone on to live normal lives, him killing innocent muggle borns and she writing columns protesting the Death Eaters. Any children she bore would have Kevin's DNA, not his. Maybe she wouldn't have even married Kevin, maybe it would all be different. None of that mattered anymore; everything was the way it was and nothing could change that. All the wishes in the world couldn't alter the events of time, alter the mistakes she had made before today.

Every bone in her body wanted to hate him for what he had done and for what he was doing, but there was something stopping her. It was the same thing that had stopped her from detesting him years ago; she was only realizing what it was now as he spoke. Having been raised in a family who taught that love was the most important thing to have in life whether romantic or not made it impossible for her to fathom living a loveless life. Rod had lived such a life, and it saddened her. His words were only proof that he believed her couldn't love, when in reality he could; he was simply afraid. It was something Ellen simply couldn't understand, and she had a feeling it was something she wouldn't in a million years. "You couldn't, or you were afraid?" The question was rhetorical; Ellen already had the answer, or at the least the answer she was going to accept. "Those were the very people who turned you into a monster! How can you not see that?"

Their opinions on how to live life were very different. He wanted power more than anything, and Ellen wanted to give any power she was given away. She believed power corrupted, and looking at Rod now only proved that theory. People told her how ridiculous her romantic ideas were, but in the end they were much less destructive than the more accept desire to have absolute power. Throughout her life she had taken every argument against romanticism and considered them, but nothing convinced her to abandon the idea that love conquered all. People like Rod believed that to be a weakness, but Ellen believed it to be the ultimate strength. It was far braver to care for someone as horrible as the man in front of her was than to hate. "Feeling something other than contempt for someone isn't wrong; it is far more right than hating someone to the point of wanting to kill them," she said angrily. "If you had opened yourself up to the idea you would have felt how much I loved you." She shook her head when he said love didn't exist. Words like that broke her heart. "That's when I start feeling sorry for you. When you say things like love doesn't exist because it does, you're just too afraid to open yourself up to it." Now they were going in circles, saying the same things over and over again.

Elle knew he said that to her because Bellatrix was a pureblood and she was a half-blood. If her father hadn't married her mother and chose the bride his parents had picked for him the whole situation would be completely different. "I'm happy my father married a muggle! I'm proud to have a mother who loves me and a father who doesn't hit her because he loves her. You can take your filthy blood supremacy and keep it because from where I'm standing it isn't as wonderful as you advertise it to be." There wasn't a single pureblood family she knew that didn't have major issues. Perhaps the scarcity of mates meant inbreeding.

A laugh escaped her lips. It probably was not the best time to laugh at him, but she could help it. The whole situation made no sense to her! "Do you know how ridiculous you sound!" Why he would expect her to give up to easily was completely laughable. "I know what you're capable of, but I'm not going to simply tell you where our son is, and I could care less about the whole blood purity thing as I said before. It's just some crazed man's way of starting a mass genocide against people who didn't commit a crime!" Ellen's love of history was a quirk that managed to show through during moments like these. She supposed Voldemort was the wizarding world's Hitler, and the Death Eaters were the Nazis. Ellen could only hope the Dark Lord and his followers met the same demise as the German fascist.

821 WORDS
rod/jazz TAGGED
tell me why-laura m. kelly LYRICS
PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION TEMPLATE
late! NOTES

[RODOLPHUS JUDE LESTRANGE]

I SWEAR COME TOMORROW THIS WILL ALL BE IN OUR PAST

He let out a breath, low and angry. Was she actually accusing him of being a coward? Maybe it struck a nerve because he really was. He had never had the courage to stand up to his oppressive parents, had never had the brain capacity to even think that their ideals were wrong in the first place really, but if he had, would he have done like Sirius Black had and reject them and their philosophy completely? If he really thought about the answer to that then he would answer no. But he wasn’t in the mood for ifs and buts, he was simply angered that Ellen was calling him a coward and he could no longer think straight; the hatred was blinding him. His wand hand twitched compulsively, ready to send something her way, but he held back. Exactly why, he wasn’t sure but he delayed the ending of her life for just a few more minutes.

He shook his head. He believed that maybe his parent’s beliefs had gone some way to corrupting him, as had his dysfunctional upbringing and being surrounded by other fanatical purebloods but at the end of the day, Rod had always been aware that he had made the conscious choice to take it all to the next level and be, ‘crazy’ as many people put it. It probably didn’t help that his gene pool was messed up; years of inbreeding would send you mad. ”My parents didn’t ask me to be like this.” He emphasised the last word, making it clear that he wasn’t talking about his beliefs but about his so-called ‘madness.’ In fact, his mother was rather disturbed by him. ”I just am.” She didn’t really need an explanation; after all, she had witnessed his love of seeing people suffer all those years ago at age eleven when he had shoved her into the water and laughed. And if that simple statement didn't scare her then nothing would.

With an absent scratch of his cheek, Rod let out a sigh. Not an angry one, more disappointed, and a little fed up of hearing this still. Apparently Ellen would forever fool herself into thinking love conquered all. Love was what made the world go round. It made him feel sick. He didn’t even bother dignifying her with a response. There was no point, they’d bicker forever, going round in circles, each oblivious to the other’s points. His eyes narrowed, burning to ask the question that had haunted him for so long. ”Why?” He let the word come out and instantly hated himself for asking, his face screwing up in annoyance at himself. He had to ask, he had to know what it was about him that could possibly made her believe that she had fallen in love. Why had that one night spent together eclipsed everything he had ever done to her before? Pushing her in the lake, all the snide remarks, the nasty comments, how had they meant nothing after that night?

Where Ellen, at least according to Rod, was blinded by weakness, he was by anger. It didn’t sit well with him, her offending his cause. He twitched his left arm, automatically wanting to caress his dark mark, as if even hearing her offensive words somehow dented his allegiance; simply being in the same room as her he felt tainted. He could feel the moment coming again now. He had burst in ready to practically kill her on the spot; he had not expected this chit-chat. But he was going back to square one again now; he could feel their conversation dwindling. He wanted to know where the boy was. Sure, he would find him eventually, of that Rod was sure but things would be so much easier if Ellen confessed. He was beginning to see that she wasn’t going to do that. He deliberated torturing it out of her, but standing there, staring down at her, he could tell that she wasn’t going to tell him. His face contorted angrily again. Why did this boy get so much, dare he even think it, love? He allowed the confusion he was feeling to show on his face momentarily. "You'd do anything to protect him, wouldn't you?" All she had done since he had entered was prove that but it was only just sinking in.

Watching her for a few contemplative moments, mulling over his thoughts, Rod fingered his wand. He was itching to do it now. He wasn’t sure if it was possible for her to offend him further. He had to keep reminding himself that it was weakness that was making her say these things; that she was weak and blinded by it, and therefore unable to comprehend. ”For someone who is about to die, you’re not doing very well at sweet talking me out of it.” His voice was calm, going to that quiet place within himself. He didn’t want to do this full of rage, just lashing out. He wanted to remember it, savour it even; so that when it was over he could be satisfied knowing that he had won. It wasn’t a warning, more a reminder of what was about to happen. ”You can state your beliefs, you can insult my upbringing but I’m the one standing here about to take your life away.” And really, it was as simple as that.

THAT MIGHT BE FOR THE BEST

tag Ellen/Rod
words 897
lyrics ADTR - if it means a lot to you
notes sorry for the lateness!