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Post by october on Jun 26, 2012 15:52:11 GMT
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: dddddd; border: #cccccc solid 8px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] I'M TRYING REAL HARD TO NOT SHAKE I'M BITING MY TONGUE The Words: 531 The Outfit: here Tagged ellen leyden "You had to take away the one thing that cared? The one thing that understood me?!" she said as she held the small toad in her hand. She was out by the lake, wondering what she could do for a proper burial for this little animal. Though, for October Madley, he was more than just a little animal. He was her best friend. She sat on the ground and placed him in front of her. She had gotten him at Diagon Alley. Her sister didn't want a toad, but October did. She felt the cool air coming in from the night sky and knew that there was a storm going to be coming in. She was glad she had a sweatshirt. But she didn't know what she was going to do without this little guy. They had done a lot together, and he was always a nice listening ear for October. Whether be relationships to family life to school work to regular school drama. She needed him in her life, he knew everything and although he was just an animal that couldn't actually talk, October knew that he could feel bad for her, even if he didn't know why. Maybe she'd get a cat to try and replace him...
Simon, what she named him her first day in Diagon Alley, was someone who knew everything about October's abusive relationships. She seemed to like the sort of bad guys, thought they were attractive. Her friends were the good guys, and she never really felt so attracted to them. Of course she has had some relationships that weren't abusive, but the majority of them were. Some of her friends tried to tell her that she had something called Stockholm Syndrome, since she loved her boyfriends more than anything in the world. At least until she, or they, broke up with her. Though it was mostly them that ended it. She didn't know why since she gave them everything she could. And even after the bruises he would apologize and he would kiss her and make up with her. Yet they'd do it again... October let out a quiet sob as she let her thoughts drift back to Simon and how she could never tell the whole truth to anyone ever again because he was gone.
It was time to put him where October thought he belonged, which was in the lake. Even though there were rumors that something lived there, she didn't care. He deserved to be in the water. October grabbed her wand and looked at him. She whispered a spell, "Windgardium Leviosa," and watched him float in the air as she gently put him in the water, where he floated softly, watching his body drift away from the ocean. She let her tears come out more and put her hands to her face. She didn't care if someone caught her out here after hours, she needed to give him a burial. He also deserved a proper one, where October could give her goodbye to him, which is what she just did. She let the emotions take her and she sobbed on the ground, completely unaware from the rest of the world. |
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Post by ELLEN VICTORIA LEYDEN on Jun 29, 2012 7:22:11 GMT
 
Never had Ellen felt so torn up about something before in her life. It was like the world had worn her down until she felt like it was useless even trying. For sixteen years of her life Ellen Victoria Leyden managed to live a healthy, normal, and relatively pleasant life. Now it was as if the suffering she had avoided throughout her early childhood decided to appear all at once, and frankly it was far too much for the optimistic Gryffindor to handle. First, her brother died in that accident. Even though she hated to think about it, Ellen couldn't stop wondering when he'd send her a special message like he did every year. He was gone, and Elle did not want to believe it. Then the whole Rodolphus thing happened. Good God why did she have to make such horrible decisions when she was drunk? The worst part was that she had nobody to talk to about it. Everything was all confused and messed up.
Sleep was not something Ellen could even begin to get. Night after night she found herself wide awake, and when she finally did get her mind to stop thinking she woke up after an hour because of a nightmare. Was the rest of her seventh year going to be this way? If it was she was in huge trouble; her whole life had been dedicated to becoming successful, and this behavior would be the death to all her dreams. Tonight she decided to not even attempt sleep, and when everyone was asleep she snuck outside and sat a couple yards away from the Black Lake. Even though the water terrified her so much, it woke her up and allowed her to think. Elle desperately needed to think about all this.
Staring into the Black Lake brought back memories from that day many, many years ago. The day when she nearly drowned. If it hadn't been for Andrew she wouldn't have lived. Perhaps it would have been different if she had died; maybe he wouldn't have died? It didn't make any logical sense, but Ellen just could not understand why she survived and he didn't. Drew was such a kind person, and he did everything he could to be a good older brother. A small tear rolled down her cheek as she thought about him. After she found out about his death she shut out any emotions, and that single tear was the most she had cried. She desperately wanted to grieve his death properly, but she felt embarrassed.
Reality came crashing down on her as she saw another girl who she vaguely recognized. The two were in the same year, but she was in Hufflepuff. She watched as the girl cradled what looked like--a toad? Jealousy came over her as she watched the girl do exactly what she wanted to do. The sobbing, crying, and grieving obviously came easily to her, and it was something Ellen could not do. Not even over her best friend and brother. The brunette decided to get up and go over to the girl to see what the big deal was, after all it was just a toad. Elle was cautious about going near the water, but when she was there she relaxed a bit and sat down by the girl. "Are you alright?" She asked curiously.
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tagged, OCTOBER / words, 558
muse, LOVE NEVER DIES / credit, zie @ caution
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Post by october on Jun 30, 2012 15:09:16 GMT
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: dddddd; border: #cccccc solid 8px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] I'M TRYING REAL HARD TO NOT SHAKE I'M BITING MY TONGUE The Words: 630 The Outfit: here Tagged ellen leyden October had never grieved so much over anything before in her life. She wasn't close to any of her extended family, so anyone that had passed away while she was alive, she didn't know about. She had no grandparents, her parents and her siblings were still alive, but she wasn't even close to them. The only person she was close to was her best friend, Liam. He knew everything, all the abuses, all the fights with her siblings, how no one wanted to be close to her, and how the total distance from her own twin sister caused her to create this hard, passive outer shell, that no one could break through. She didn't know why he had broken through that shell, but she was glad he did. Especially since now that Simon had died, no one was left to talk to. Which seemed silly to her seeing as he was just a toad, but he wasn't to October. He was a friend, and he was there from the very beginning; before she had let Liam in and Amelia in, before there was true problems in her family. He was there through it all. Through all the abuses, this little, maybe insignificant toad was the one that helped October through her life and had helped her to get everything out. She didn't own a journal, so this was the next best thing.
She heard someone ask if she was okay. She turned and looked up at the girl. Head girl, Gryffindor, Ellen Leyden. October was good with names. October was afraid she'd be caught after hours, but if Ellen was out late, then it was fine, right? Or maybe she was going around the grounds busting people, since it was known that people would sneak out to have a good time on the quidditch pitch, and Ellen was going to bust October too until she saw her crying... October shook her head. She couldn't think about getting in trouble or she'd just be even more stressed and start crying even more than she was now. She'd never been in trouble before, she was a good girl. The way her face turned bright red when a teacher told her she was doing something wrong was a decent interpretation how flustered she got when someone told her that she was doing something wrong. And she hated it, she hated that people could physically see when she was embarrassed. It drove her crazy.
October looked out toward the lake. "I'm fine," she responded wiping her tears away. She knew that her face was flushed, she could feel it. She ran a hand through her hair and just kept staring out to the lake. There was no way she could say goodbye to her friend, one that she had dropped in the water with magic. He was going home, maybe not directly, but water is where he belonged. Another single tear streamed down her face and she wiped it away, holding back the rest of the tears that were daring to start falling. She didn't want to be that vulnerable, not in front of Ellen. She didn't know the girl, and she knew that no friendship could come out of this. October didn't make good friends easily. And there was no reason that Ellen needed to see a vulnerable October crying over a toad. She wiped away the tears that were just starting to brim over and looked up at her. She didn't say anything, just took in the face of the woman that was questioning her. She hoped that she never had to explain. No one would understand this poor girl's mindset without having lived it themselves. And she knew that no family would ever do that to their kid, except for hers. |
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Post by ELLEN VICTORIA LEYDEN on Jul 3, 2012 9:25:28 GMT
When Elle saw the tears and the sadness she immediately wished she hadn't been so curious. She hated seeing others sad because it reminded her of that day, but for some reason she could tear herself away from her classmate. Despite the fact she hated waterworks the matronly side of her appeared and she reached into her bag for a tissue to give the other girl. Elle smiled warmly and sat down by the lake, motioning for the other girl to join her. Perhaps October was a girl she could befriend. After all Ellen was always looking for new people to observe. It made her a bit nervous to sit by the lake, but she figured it would look silly to move, and if the girl had been sitting by the lake she probably did not want to move. "Are you sure?" she asked sympathetically. One of Ellen's best qualities was the ability to listen to others. If October wanted to open up to her she's have no problem offering advice/her ear.
Ellen looked out to the lake while grasping her knees close to her face. "I get it if you don't want to talk. I lost someone close to me not too long ago too." One of the things she hated was everyone pestering her to talk, and she didn't know half of the people who pestered her to talk. All she really wanted to do was leave all the hurt behind and continue on living. Ever counselor her mother had forced her to see told her that wasn't healthy, but she didn't care. Ellen knew what was best for Ellen. At least that's what she thought. Every so often she wondered what it was like to actually properly mourn the loss, but she never allowed herself to cry.
As she looked at the girl next to her she figured a change of subject was best. "So any cute guys I should know about?" She asked with a raised brow. They were both teenage girls so this topic wasn't really odd, plus she figured it was innocent enough. Ellen had no interest in dating anyone, but that didn't mean the banter couldn't happen. Never in a million years would she spill who her crush was. Risking that kind of information with a stranger would be something she'd regret. It only took one gossip spill to ruin someone's life. The fact she was so ashamed of it as well didn't help things either.
Rod was handsome and she couldn't get that night out of her head, but it was not a relationship she really wanted. If they did get involved it probably wouldn't be a very healthy relationship, and Ellen didn't want to have one of those at age seventeen. Plus she absolutely hated Lestrange. She hated everything about him, and never in a million years would the day he pushed her into the lake be forgotten. No, she wouldn't think about him at all. With that she turned all attention to October.
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tagged, OCTOBER / words, 504
muse, LOVE NEVER DIES / credit, zie @ caution
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Post by october on Jul 6, 2012 14:24:34 GMT
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: dddddd; border: #cccccc solid 8px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] I'M TRYING REAL HARD TO NOT SHAKE I'M BITING MY TONGUE The Words: 555 The Outfit: here Tagged ellen leyden She didn't reply when the girl said it was fine if she didn't want to talk. Truth was, she didn't. She didn't open up to people, and if she did, it was very barely. No one should know why she was crying over a toad, because to them it'd be silly. She'd be made fun of, just like she had been for so many years. And she just wanted, for once, for people to not ask questions. She was glad that Ellen understood, that she wasn't going to make her talk. She felt her body fall a little limp as the crying stopped and she was getting her composure back. She wiped away the rest of the tears and took a deep breath. She didn't want her first time really talking to Ellen be October crying the whole time. It would be a bad impression, and although she didn't know Ellen, she didn't know if she would talk. "Oh that girl is weird," she imagined Ellen saying to one of her friends, "She was crying over a toad..." Even though in her head, Ellen had a valley girl voice. She knew it wasn't like that in real life, but for some reason, voices changed in her head.
October looked at Ellen when she asked a question. Of course there were cute boys, but there was only one that she wanted to talk about. Not really talk about, but mostly think about. And she was sure that he was bad for her, that he was just going to be a cancer on her life, like so many boys before. But she was already in too deep. She lied to him, and there was going to be shit that went down between them. She knew it, but for some reason she couldn't let go. She couldn't tell him she wanted nothing to do with him because that was a lie. She wanted everything to do with him. Rodolphus Lestrange. She would just judge her probably. A Hufflepuff half blood getting tangled up in a Slytherin pure blood. That was breaking most social standards that are set in this school. She took a look at Hogwarts quickly, realizing that the school wasn't much different than any muggle school she had ever attended. It was all the same, the same drama, the same social aspect, the same cliques. It was just harder because all the students could do magic, which meant much more fights and much riskier ones. She didn't want drama, but that's unlikely for a teenager ever.
"Well. There is this one guy..." she started, but she shut up. She didn't even know her. Ellen was someone that she didn't even know. And she could barely open up to someone that she really knew really well, nevermind someone she had never talked to before. She felt her face flush slightly and she started to fidgit with the cuffs of her sweatshirt, trying to move the attention off of her, like she usually did. Of course she knew that there was really no one else to move the attention to, but it was a habit that she couldn't help but continue. She looked up at her, the only sign of emotion on her face the blush, and looked back down, hoping that Ellen wouldn't press the subject further. |
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Post by ELLEN VICTORIA LEYDEN on Jul 12, 2012 8:39:16 GMT
When the other girl's tears finally stopped, Ellen felt herself relax a bit. She was not very good around emotional people, especially people who were crying over losing something. If she had to, she could be very comforting, but generally she did the best she could to avoid being in a situation like that. Hell, the girl couldn't even get her own emotions in line! There was no way she'd be able to help another girl sort her's. The only person who ever seemed to understand her was Kevin. Kevin always knew what to say to make her feel better. Ellen felt like she could be herself around him even if that meant being someone she didn't particularly care for. Kev knew her better than anyone, even her closest girlfriend. So many people thought they should date, and maybe she would have considered it if she wasn't so infatuated with someone else.
Rodolphus Lestrange was never someone she thought she'd grow to have feelings for. He was moody, dark, and a pureblood. Plus he had pushed her into the lake when she was in her first year. Given their history it was a bit of a stretch to even wish for him to love her back, and yet she did. At the same time she was angry at him for having taken advantage of her; her dream man was a gentleman, and gentlemen certainly don't bed drunken women just because they can. Love didn't really make sense though. At least that's what people told her.
A smile came onto her lips when the redhead said that there was one guy. When it became obvious the other girl wasn't going to continue on saying who it was Ellen gave her a playful nudge. If she was going to sit out here and break the code of Head Girl conduct she at least wanted to be entertained. "Come on, we're girls! I promise I won't tell," Ellen said sincerely. She wasn't really one to gossip, mainly because she was too mature for that kind of stuff. The girls who gossiped were simply the girls who failed to form relationships of their own, and had to live through other's.
"You're blushing! You must really like him," she said. The curiosity was killing her, and now she had to know who this dreamy guy was. If she wasn't so ashamed of the person she liked she would have been willing to tell the other girl who her's was just to show her it wasn't a big deal.
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tagged, OCTOBER / words, a number
muse, NOTHING / credit, zie @ caution
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