` drowning in silence

[REMUS JOHN LUPIN]

it's hard to be all alone,

- - - - - - - - - -

perhaps it was too much of an action to veil but a single feeling that did not care to rest. "tergeo," his voice came lowly, indifferent, as he pointed his wand to the last of the cauldrons. laying down his wand on the table, he picked up the last stack of cauldrons and walked back to the side shelf, placing the stack carefully and painstaking slow.

then again, when had a good answer ever materialized to his own confusions?

perhaps choosing to stay behind, to assist the first and third years for the rest of the afternoon, to help commend catastrophes, to encourage instincts were not of his usual nature, but since when had he ever turned down an opportunity to reach out kindness? besides, he was verging on absolute certainty that he hadn't bailed on rest for the remainder of the day because slughorn had requested for his aid. or rather, he was sure it was a nagging feeling picking at his nerve.

he walked back to the only table with a stack of books and a small flask holding liquid that shone of pearl, steam spiraling atop in playful swirls; it was typical of remus to be so caught up in his own questions that he would lose consciousness over everything else around him. but any other normal human being would probably consult someone, sleep it off, or else meditate in a quiet place, rather than spend all afternoon in the dungeons, finally succeeding in creating amortentia, the most powerful love potion, after a number of redundancies on trial and error. really, meddling with his own troubling thoughts never did do him any good. but to why he should be so bothered by an off-feeling he himself had encountered many times before-- but why does this one feel different? he thought, brows furrowing. and to think that he should be in this state over something he couldn’t control.

how troublesome.

he knew better than that.

a low sigh escaped his lips as he crossed his arms on the flat surface and leaned forward slightly, inclining his head in slight as he observed his unexpected success. there had never been doubt to how far his capabilities could reach, but he’d expected more time grueling with such a potion than anything else. or perhaps it was just his impenetrable focus and lack of interest for anything else outside the boundaries of his mind that led him to such triumphant results. a slight smirk curved the side of his lips, as he thought of what should sirius implore him to do with this sort of behaviour, possibly recommending having this mind set permanent forevermore.

the aroma of nettle tea, of the darkest chocolate he'd consumed, and an unknown scent so refreshing and sweet, rose to olfactory receptors, and making him arch an eyebrow as the third nameless cause rapid words and thoughts to clash in his mind. how strange; it used to be of a grass field somewhere in the countryside, where the winds would whisper and the grass would sing. how could something so alluringly unidentifiable top his most fondest memory? were such happenings even possible?

grey eyes blurred in question as he closed his eyes, feeling his triumph crumble under more questions. he'd woken up to a morning where he felt out of place, and for the rest of the day, it hadn't moved away to haunt someone else.

like it should have.

his eyes flew open with a familiar spark, with the same insanity that had led him to pursuing the succession to making amortentia. if the universe was off torturing another being and left him this feeling, then perhaps he would need to take control and steer his own way out of this.

even if that meant to making yet another potion. he raised his head and moved to the back shelves, still unaware of the live candles lighting the room, still oblivious of the time in which he had been captured in. perhaps a small sip of the elixir to induce euphoria would do much more to help him rid of this uneasy feeling.

to help him rid the scent of her.

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tags, alexandria leigh nott
words, six hundred and ninety-three
attire, loose tie, white shirt (rolled-sleeves), black pants
notes, i've absolute no idea as to what i've just created. wutta pooper.
muse, i don't care by jesse barrera and melissa polinar

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[ALEXANDRIA LEIGH NOTT]

The library was always a good place to go if she ever wanted some peace and quiet. But, in the library, she wasn’t exactly alone. It wasn’t as if she preferred being alone, but she had her times when she just needed that alone time. Alone, she didn’t have to wear the icy façade she had. Alone, she could just let go and be herself, where no one could see. Don’t get the wrong idea, Alex loves herself, but she doesn’t want others to see how she really is. Perhaps it is fear that she won’t be accepted, or she doesn’t want them using it against her. Perhaps it’s for the reputations of her siblings that she didn’t appear weak. For whatever reason, she’d rather not let people in. Even close friends, she slips up once in a while, but she’s always careful about how she acts when with them. She could be concerned, but she’d never let anyone see the side of her that she keeps secret.

Perhaps that was the reason she buried herself in her books and kept close with her siblings. Not much to be told that way and people would always assume things about her. She didn’t like it, but she didn’t want them to know her. The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to turn away from the topic. She wanted someone to see her instead of the shadow of her siblings or the title of her books. She didn’t want to show anyone, she wanted them to look. If they didn’t, then they weren’t worth her time. It was as simple as that.

The problem was, very few people actually looked and saw her.

So many tended to bunch her in with the Ravenclaws or her siblings; some even went as far as putting her with the Slytherins, especially after hearing her last name. It was difficult, to say the least. Alex heard some of the nastier comments and though she seemed to just brush it off, it stung. None more than the comments of her siblings and how she must be just like them. Yes, Alex loved her siblings deeply, but she knew they were different. It was what made them get along so well; they were entirely different people, but they got past that and loved each other like siblings should. A close-knit relationship that couldn’t be broken by even the separation of houses. So, yes, they were siblings, but they were so different Alex couldn’t help but wonder why people would bunch them together and assume how they are all the same. It hurt that they didn’t even take the chance to look and see that the Nott siblings were indeed nothing alike, personality wise. Perhaps some similarities here and there, especially with Alex’s façade, but the differences in personality was even more prominent.

No matter. She learned to try and ignore such comments from such people, but no matter how many times she heard it, it still managed to hurt.

A group of fellow Ravenclaws then entered the library and Alex’s façade so easily slipped back into place, her previous thoughts stored away for when she was alone once more. She glanced at the time, and decided to pack her things. Slughorn had agreed to allow her to use the potions room today, to work on a potion they hadn’t yet learned about. She quite literally stumbled upon it when she almost dropped her book and accidentally flipped to the page. The potion itself was quite complex, it was supposed to be a sixth year potion. However, that never stopped the fifth year before. Alexandria was just that much more determined to make the potion. She was always one for getting ahead.

Making her way down to the dungeons, she hummed lightly to herself. It wasn’t from a particular song, but rather just a tune. Light and airy but with an undertone of something deeper, perhaps even darker. The corridors were empty, as the other students were in the Great Hall for lunch. She passed by some Hufflepuffs, who looked at her suspiciously. Any other Ravenclaw and they would have smiled in greeting. But not her, because she was a Nott and her siblings were Slytherins. Her icy mask in place, Alex continued on, as if she never saw them. As if they simply didn’t exist to her. On the inside, however, Alex sighed deeply and turned away from them. Yet another group that looked but didn’t see.

Potions book clutched to her chest, Alex blinked and stopped in front of the classroom. Potions wasn’t her best subject, unlike Aralynn who seemed to excel in it. SLughorn thought she’d have inherited Aralynn’s talent for the subject. Another one of those people. Alexandria could list all the people that saw her as her on one hand. As she listed them mentally in her head, Alex entered the classroom, stopping upon noticing the student already in there.


Him. One of the few people that didn’t place her with her siblings, or perhaps any other group as well.

Him. The one that plagued her thoughts since their rather random, chance encounter and discussion.

Him. The boy that made her heart beat faster for no reason whatsoever.

Remus Lupin.

And she couldn’t understand why he did those things to her.

"Oh, um…hello…"

WORDS, 892
TAGGED, remus lupin
NOTES, hope this is okay! and i'm excited for this thread. <3
LYRICS, another day by paramore
CREDITS, moi

[REMUS JOHN LUPIN]

it’s hard to be all alone,

- - - - - - - - - -

that scent.

he had bent down, and was filing through the bottled ingredients, trying to find the ones needed to make his desired potion, when the sweet aroma wafted towards his nose, intoxicating his system immediately. it was an overriding experience, one that took over his entire mind set, as it smelled much stronger and fresher this time-- a sudden feeling of nervousness overcame him, with the sudden thought that he had become too attached and therefore incapable of saving himself from such distraught madness, but as he suddenly rose and turned, he found all that dissolving.

just blinking a couple of times more to check his reality to be in tact, he found himself smiling at the sight of emerald eyes resting upon his own, the same emeralds that had enthralled him with ceaseless effort-- the same emeralds that challenged and yearned for unbound, endless knowledge, that burned with a fire that couldn't be extinguished. this time, however, they read uncertainty and clear surprise, with a hesitation that made it obvious that she hadn't prepared to share the classroom with company.

company in the likes of him.

for a minute there, his mind couldn't register the fact that she'd made herself known, if only so reluctant, until, form the corner of his eye, he saw the spiraling steam flail atop the flask, which immediately brought him back to his composure and reply, with a rather amused smile, "good evening, alexandria." to make light on his formality was to make known the fact that their previous encounter held such standards, and so making him incapable of crossing such boundaries; in treating women, he had no qualms with acting so whatsoever, but he had just identified the source of being greatly overwrought. he would think himself allowed to cross even just a few steps beyond the line, or else able to address her without the need to be conscious of the state of his hair, his shabby, wrinkled attire, or the fact that at least ten bottles were nestled warmly within the safety of his arms. all dirtied and grubby, there was a need to be worried of the way he presented himself to her; normally, he wouldn't care to think twice about how he looked, working in his element, but.. she just had to make her company known.

to make the thought much more worse, he had gotten over the teasing and the bullying and the tormenting of him about his status, his clothes, his anti-socialistic behaviours-- to think that she would make him think twice about the way he was presenting himself was a wonder in itself, and perhaps a first time in his whole lifetime.

she, of course, was dressed to impress, very clean and fair, face glowing with sweet innocence. he doubted he would ever understand why she had replaced one of his scents, but as of the moment, he really could not complain. with her golden hair flowing, books clutched deep to her chest, he wondered why she was not yet taken. because he knew for a fact that whoever the bastard would be, would be a very lucky one.

"unless you've come to find me, which i doubt rather highly," he started, voice ever soft and weary, "i shan't be disrupting you in whatever task you wish to execute, i promise you." with a quick shrug, he walked slowly back to his table, careful not to agitate the liquids and other ingredients within each bottle. he exhaled a careful breath, bending his knees slightly as he set them all down, eyes scrutinizing over every detail of each container. looking up at her once more, he glanced another smile and walked back to the shelves, taking now, the required tools and the like, unable to feel the previously edgy, somewhat contrived feeling in his chest.

really, the wonders a rather strikingly extravagant lady would do to a man such as himself.

"may i inquire as to what it is that pulled you to be here? i'd imagine it to be of the greatest depressive requisites," he continued, his voice lighting with amused humour as he walked back, bending his knees once more to place the things on the table, "otherwise, to spend a monday evening in the bowls of the dungeons would be the last place you'd like to be in. except of course, if you're into the gloomy atmosphere of it." he paused, exhaled deeply, and smiled back up at her, eyes glancing towards her picturesque of a face once more. "i know i am," with a rather cheeky grin, he forcefully cast his eyes down to his open book, determined to at least get the feel of almost achieving making the elixir.

if not, well. she was here already.

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tags, alexandria leigh nott
words, seven hundred and ninety
attire, loose tie, white shirt (rolled-sleeves), black pants
notes, oui, moi aussi! sorry for the wait, though. :c
muse, i don’t care by jesse barrera and melissa polinar

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