Post by rei on Jun 19, 2012 4:01:41 GMT
reila isabelle thomas
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full name: reila isabelle thomas.
age: sixteen.
year: sixth year.
birthday: 23/04/60.
blood line: pureblood.
occupation: student.
former / house: slytherin.unicorn hair core, elm wood, 10" :wand
kaya, female, black tabby :familiar
house of thomas, slytherin :loyalties
fluid wandwork, dueling, firm tongue :skills
While the fundamentals of a journal are to write in it, I'm certain I will only do this once - and solely for the fact that my dear sister bought this for me in hopes that I would use it. I believe she thinks I need a proper outlet for my thoughts, and while I appreciate the thought behind it I'm afraid I do not trust that this won't one day fall into the hands of another. With that being said, I do very much intend to charm the ink to disappear so this appears entirely empty to anyone with prying eyes - and there are several people in particular that I can name who would indeed attempt to pry. As it is, I have several secrets that would do more harm than good if they fell into the wrong hands and while I may very well share them in this one and only passage, they are not words I would care to repeat to anyone, much less dare put them to parchment again.
It is with that in mind, that I hope to be brief, but I make no promises. I have found that once one starts writing about themselves, it is not always quite so easy to stop. Especially if the only eyes to see them are ones own.
I will start off, not with my name - as it would reveal far more than I wish, but with who people think me to be and why it's important that they remain to think that way. The world I live in is a very complex one, and the social issues guide the norms that we abide far more than the wish for equality does. As a pureblood witch from a self-proclaimed respectable name, I can assure you that while I am said to stand above the rest of my kind, I do not always feel such. But I must impress that I am despite this. We are considered the nobility of our kind in this age and we must act as such, with conceit and confidence. Both of which I cannot deny displaying. To the world I am as any elitist is - devoted to my bloodline, scornful to those that are considered the lesser folk, secretive in my nature, and cunning in my practice. I am both cold and guarded and forever untrusting of others, and I assimilate into a group of other 'respectable' purebloods like myself. We are not kind people and I don't imagine we ever will be. Too each other we are often nothing more than associates of like-mindedness, but we would not put it past each other to sacrfice anyone but ourselves in the case of collective peril. Though I will admit that there are the choice few who swear devotion not just to their name, but to the preservation of the purity of magical blood. Most however, resort to the self-preservation - and I myself admit to being one of them.
As I have grown up in this world, I'm afraid, I must admit that I am numb to feeling things like guilt and expressing my honest emotions and opinions in everyday life. I am not a very sensitive person and this often makes me come across as cold-hearted. Some have told me I am emotionally distant and hard to read. Others, that I am a respectable representation of my kind. This very fact, classifies me as someone who is both hated and revered by many. The fact that I appear both intelligent and aware of my nature and the nature of others whilst standing on the side that I do, makes it very difficult for people to understand my footing. I find that even I fail to understand it sometimes and until I have found my purpose, this is unlikely to change. There is truth in that am conflicted, though this is something that only my dearest baby sister is aware of - much of my questioning a result of her relationship with my father - whom I both love and detest. My father is man I fail to respect, but because of his role in my life, I have failed to relinquish my innate connection with him and I do not imagine this to change. Much of the same can be said of my brother as well - though he is one to provoke a bitterness in me that is not always quite so easy to conceal. And as I am human, I cannot deny that I am prone to having a volatile temper when a person know just the right buttons to press - but the occurence of this is exceptionally rare. After all, I have a reputation to uphold and it remains to be the one solid thing in my life that manages to keep me grounded. For without it, I fear the consequences of its losses would destroy everything I've built and it is not a pleasant thought to aspire towards.
It is in my hopes that one day I will be able to escape this reality for something with more far freedom, but as it is the norm with my kind, even my future has been decided for me. A furture in which I marry a man whom I do not love and who does not love me, and bear his children for the sole sake of continuing the purity of our blood. I have met him on several occasions, and while he is not a bad person, I fail to see any happiness in my future and one day, I fear I will have to make a life-altering decision that may very well shatter everything. But until then, and while I am but a babe to this world, I have no intention to break this mold that's been fastened to me since I was born. The age I am currently, is far too vulnerable. And while I will not deny that there are plenty of my kind who have already snapped away from their mold, I am one who does not have the strength nor the will. My life as is, is pleasant. That is a fact I cannot deny. I was born into a wealthy home and a wealthy name. And until I can find something worth running for, I am not about to flee the pleasantries for the sole sake of being able to express myself truly.
It is in this instance alone that I will confess. I am not this person I appear to be and I have failed to be indoctrinated by pride the way others have. I pretend its there, but the reality is, I do not understand what makes me different from others. Humans as I understand it, encompass wizards, witches and muggles alike. And will I understand the importance of ours kind being secret, I do not think those that come from a muggle life should treated as lesser folk. They are just as capable, if not moreso of producing pure magic as any. However, I do understand the wish of the pureblooded families to continue the line. As the years go by, it is a fear that there will be less and less of us - something that will most certainly be inevitable. And it is not their wish to maintain this blood that I disagree with, it is in the way that we are expected to treat non-purebloods that I find fault. There is nothing noble in that. It is with this sentiment that I feel inclined to set aside my quill for fear of revealing anymore than I have.
These thoughts, after all - and the ones that would have followed, were never meant to be shared.
alias: avyx.
gender: faux-male.
rp sample: see regulus arcturus black.
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