When Pranks attack. [Lloyd/James/Open]

[lloydhoratioirving]

"Are you sure one of them cats went down there?" Asked Lloyd, his face scrunched in obvious mistrust, but after Peeves told him again that he swore he heard a poor helpless cat meowing for days, Lloyd was convinced. "Okay." He said and went into the dungeons, just casually walking along. He didn't mind being in the dungeons, in fact, he kind of thought it was cool!

"Here kitty kitty!" He'd call out every few feet, but he didn't hear any cat. He knew there was one down here though. Why? Because Peeves had said so. He might be a liar, but what if he was telling the truth this time? It wouldn't hurt to find out. And so, deeper and deeper he went into the dungeon, it was a little bit chilly inside, but he didn't mind. He just rubbed his arms to keep himself a little warmer and peered around.

".....Maybe it's in here." He said, peeking into one of the unused classrooms. Or ....at least, he thought it was unused. "Wild!" He gasped and walked inside, all thoughts of the cat vanished from his mind the instant he saw what was in the room. His brown eyes took in everything. It didn't occur to him that this set up wasn't natural at all, he was more concerned with figuring out how it worked. He explored the room, stepping over things, going under stuff and just generally getting a look at the set up from all angles.

".......I wonder what this does." he said, and tugged on a rope dangling in front of his face. What he saw next amazed him and he stared with a rather foolish grin on his face, watching with delight as the thing did what it was designed to do.

It was obvious (not to him of course) that this was a prank, set up to be sprung on the first fool who walked into the room. Only, it wasn't finished and the first fool to walk into the room wasn't a fool at all, just very unlucky.

SPLAT!

A mass of old, rotting food from who knows how long ago was cannoned into poor James, coating him in the mess. And then, to make it all worse, the elaborate structure fell to pieces, leaving Lloyd standing there with a very shocked look on his face, still holding the rope that had triggered it all.

".........Oops."

[JAMES IGNOTUS POTTER]

Surprisingly, James Potter wasn’t in detention. Yet. Sirius and Remus were however and it was James’ job to distract Professor Slughorn from surveying them for long enough for his friends to escape the intense boredom of whatever it was that Slughorn was inflicting on them. What was it that James had planned you ask? It wasn’t a very elaborate plan but it was often the simplest ideas that had the greatest effect. He basically wanted to cause as much mess as possible on some poor, unsuspecting student and hero James would wander along find the poor student and inform nearby Professor Slughorn of the terrible incident. Genius right? He was busy clambering on chairs and tables, setting the whole thing up. It took great skill and precision and some patience; something that James didn’t usually have a lot of except when it came to pranks.

Peeves floated by the open doorway on the other side of the room, peered in suspiciously but then thankfully left James be. He hoped the poltergeist could actually be of some help and entice a student down here. James chuckled lightly to himself at the thought. It would take someone extremely gullible to trust Peeves. But then, you’d think it would take someone extremely gullible to trust James Potter or any of the marauders and yet people always did. Something wasn’t quite right with the design though, he couldn’t get it to balance properly . . . he needed something sturdy to prop up the design so that it swung on the victim. James jumped lithely from the table he had been standing on and left the room to collect the missing piece of his prank puzzle.

He was just a few feet down the corridor when he heard a voice from behind him. He paused in his stride and held his breath. ’Don’t go inside, Don’t go inside. Not yet.’ However the words he heard confirmed his worst fears and he raced back up the corridor and back through the door to the empty classroom. He watched, almost in slow motion as his fellow Gryffindor sixth year Lloyd Irving reached up and pulled on the rope. ”No!” James shouted but it was too late. The imbalanced mechanism swung backwards instead of forwards and James was hit with the foul smelling old food he had collected. He screwed up his eyes in anger and balled up his hands into fists. ”Irving you prat!” He said very carefully so as not to get any stale food in his mouth. ”Oops indeed!” James said angrily. ”Give me your jacket so I can clear some of this off me please.” He said through gritted teeth.

[lloydhoratioirving]

"Ew no!" Lloyd said, tugging his jacket a little further around his body, as if afraid James would snatch it right off him. "You got a wand. Use one of them cleaning spells!" he told him, and looked all around at the mess. "...........Whoever built this thing really sucks at building stuff." He said, meaning no insult at all to James. It never crossed his mind that he had been to put the contraption together. "It was an accident waiting to happen. If I built it I'd've done it like this!" And he got to work, rebuilding the entire structure with ease. It didn't look the same as it once did, but it was rock solid and didn't need anything else. He took the rope that he'd pulled on and carried it all the way over to the door, stretching it out until it was taut, which pulled down the catapult that had once held the food.

"You stink man." He said as he stood on a chair next to James and put the rope's end at the top of the door and shut it on it. Hopping off the chair, unwittingly avoiding James' arms as he did so, he pulled it away and grinned. "See? Much better!" and he laughed, "When someone opens the door WHAMO! They won't even know what happened!" his smile was innocent as he looked at James, but his smile fell as he caught the look he was given.

"What? It wasn't my fault whoever made it filled it up with old food! I just wanted to see what it did! You're lucky it wasn't filled with that old dragon dung the Herbology Professor threw out! It's still out there and since it's been in sun, it really really stinks! It's all runny and smells much worse than that food."

He stared at James with a mixture of surprise and fear, for it looked like James was mad. "What?" He asked, backing up a bit. "I didn't do nothin'. I didn't make it! This thing wasn't meant for you or nothin'. I don't do pranks! Not.....not unless....." and then finally it hit him.

"......YOU made it." He said and then he started to laugh, "You're a lot smarter than you look." he didn't mean it to sound like an insult, but then he realized what he'd said and he scratched his head in bewilderment. "Wait.....that didn't come out right." He muttered, "You ain't as stupid as you look?" He tried and shook his head "No....no that's no good either." he reasoned, trying to figure out a way to compliment James properly. "Aha!" He suddenly said and grinned, "You're as sharp as a shovel!" and he obviously meant it to be a good thing.

[JAMES IGNOTUS POTTER]

James’ eyes widened. He should have known, he’d spent five years with the kid, but he hadn’t thought that the boy would be so rude to him. He wasn’t used to it. When James Potter asked you to do something you did it. He had to admire his bluntness though; it offended him greatly but James was pretty sure his fellow Gryffindor didn’t mean to be so blunt about things. He just said what he was thinking when really he should probably keep his mouth shut more often. Saying that, James was currently in a bad mood and he wasn’t going to humour Lloyd today. ”Excuse me?” James said, rather disbelievingly when Lloyd said he wouldn’t give him his jacket. ”I’m no good at charms.” James snapped back at him. Not Like Lily. He thought longingly. He had a moment of wishing she was here before remembering his predicament and realising he was glad that she wasn’t.

And so James was left to clean himself up. He brushed the vegetable peelings off of himself with a look of disgust painted onto his face. He felt a little guilty because had this gone according to plan; this rubbish would have landed on somebody else. His guilt vanished however after he heard Lloyd’s next words. ”Really, you’d have done it like that would you?” James said with angry sarcasm. He knew the lad wouldn’t be able to fix it. Only the great prankster in chief, Prongs knew how to work such an elaborate mechanism. He was wrong. Lloyd had done it. James glared at him. Angry and embarrassed all in one. It was not a good combination.

He took a menacing step towards Lloyd as the other Gryffindor spoke. James cocked his head to one side, eyebrows raised questioningly as he rambled on; James was waiting for him to twig. Merlin he was slow at catching on. James took another step forward and finally he clocked on. ”Yes, Irving you idiot, I built it! I was trying to get Sirius and Remus out of detention and you were actually my target! He shouted (lying slightly about Lloyd being the intended victim) and threw a handful of old tomatoes at his head. Before waiting to see if he hit him, James continued shouting. ”You shouldn’t have told me about that old dragon dung outside of the greenhouses, Irving because that’s going to end up on your breakfast tomorrow morning!”

James’ eyes widened maddeningly as Lloyd tried to correct himself over and over. This boy was overwhelmingly frustrating at times. Usually James could laugh along at him but right now he wasn’t endearing; he was irritating. ”I just. . . “ In his rage James couldn’t find the words to express himself. ”I don’t. . .” He took a deep breath. ”Shut up, just shut up, Irving before I do something I regret.”

[lloydhoratioirving]

".......My name's Lloyd." He replied, "Irving's my last name. I thought everyone knew that." He just grinned at James for a moment, until he shouted at him and threw a tomato at him. He yelped as it struck him in the side of the head, sliding down, soaking into his hair. "Gross." He grumbled and then frowned.

"Hey! That's......that's just gross! That ain't right! I didn't know you'd made it or I wouldn't have told you!" Lloyd said with a pout, taking out his wand and easily cleaning himself with a charm. He stuck out his tongue "Nyah." He said childishly, "Now I ain't gonna use this cleaning charm on you! You don't deserve it!"

"I told you I'm Lloyd!" He snapped, just glaring at him with a mixture of confusion and anger, "......What would you do?" He asked, curious now at what James could possibly mean. He knew he probably shouldn't be curious, but it was just in his nature. ".....Come on. Don't be mad. I didn't mean nothin' by it. I....I got an idea."

He smiled slightly, "So it was meant for me and I messed it up. That just means we can get someone else!" he smiled, "If we can conjure up wheels and shrink this down with a spell, we can take it outside." His smile widened a bit, he was making this up as he went along. "Then we make it bigger....much bigger! And fill it with....water balloons 'cause nobody deserves bein' hit by dragon dung." and then he paused, ".......'Cept maybe Gilderoy." and he laughed lightly, "Let's get Gilderoy! If we make it much bigger, the range will be better right?! And then we find him and POW! Dragon dung all over him!" He was obviously trying to make things right, and he just smiled at James, waiting for him to reply.

"And he won't know what happened either, 'cause we'll be really far away. We get in any trouble!" He added, "That's good right?"

[JAMES IGNOTUS POTTER]

Right at that moment, James wanted to hex the grin off of Lloyd’s face. It wound James up even more that he didn’t seem to grasp that he was being such an annoyance. James pulled a childish face back at Lloyd when he said he wasn’t going to use the cleaning charm on him. He wasn’t too bothered though because he was quite pleased that he had managed to hit Lloyd on the side of the head with the rotten tomatoes. As a chaser for the Gryffindor Quidditch team, James’ accuracy was second to none but it was always extremely satisfying to hit the target. It made him feel better, if only slightly.

”How long have you been at Hogwarts for Lloyd?” James asked in a patronising tone, careful to exaggerate his first name. ”It’s quite common for people to use surnames. Teachers do it all the time. Though no doubt you’re just away with the fairies during classes.” ’Away with the fairies during life’. James resisited the temptation to say it out loud. It would probably just confuse Lloyd further. James smiled at the slightly worried look on Lloyd’s face after he had threatened him. ”I don’t know.” James said thoughtfully, stroking his chin and pretending to think. His brain was bursting with ideas. And it never took him long when with the marauders to conjure up pranks. The four of them together could rustle up an idea in under fifteen minutes on a bad day. ”I’m sure I could think of something particularly horrible to happen to you. Might involve a jinx of some sort so that you’re forced to go around school with one leg for an entire day.”

James sighed again. He was glad that Lloyd was trying to make up for his mistake. He appreciated his gesture of trying to make it work for someone else and on another day at another time and in another situation James would have gone with his idea. ”I need to get Sirius and Remus out of detention with Slughorn.” James said in a voice of forced calm. ”Though we should definitely team up on a plan to get Gilderoy at some point.” James said with a mischievous grin, practically rubbing his hands together with excitement. Any chance to make a fool of that prat, Lockhart wasn’t passed up with ease. But Padfoot and Moony came first. ”I like your style, Lloyd.” James said; his tone much happier all of a sudden. ”Can you help me rescue my friends from the boring grip of our Potions Master?” He pulled out his wand from within his robes. ”First off, have you got any ideas? Because I’ve got one.” James said light-heartedly. ’But I don’t think you’re going to be particularly happy about it.’ James thought.

[lloydhoratioirving]

"I know that." Lloyd said, obviously a little bit annoyed at this point, "But I still don't like goin' by last names outside the classroom 'cause that means you don't like or respect the person you're talkin' to."

Then, he really frowned "I pay attention in class James." he said sharply, "More than you seem to. All you ever do is stare at Lily and think of ways to impress her. So who's with the fairies?" he snapped back.

Now that.....was an interesting idea, but it also pissed him off. A lot. "Yeah well.....maybe I can get Lily to help me around." He said coolly, "I'm sure she'd love to know exactly what happened to me." he might not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but he certainly had his moments of enlightenment.

He nodded, "Yeah....yeah friends are important." He said, "They come first. If Genis ever got in detention, I'd wanna get him out too! And ain't nobody would stop me! Only.....Genis doesn't really get into trouble too much." He added and then gave James a very careful look. He didn't like that expression on his face, or his tone.

He didn't have any ideas, in fact thinking up the last one had made his head hurt! Now he was blank again, but he didn't think James would take that as an answer so he nodded "Yeah." He lied, "Yeah I got a idea." but what?! He had to think. Fast. ".......You know um..... ......Peeves?" He said, "He told me there was a .....a cat down here. M-maybe we could.....conjure up a.....a stuffed animal....enchant it to .....to move and then.....make it walk into .....the classroom .....and .....explode?" MAN all this thinking was tough! He rubbed his forehead, grimacing as a brief headache came and then went.

"If the cat explodes.....it could send .......I don't know....." he paused and them smiled, "Fill it with dungbombs, confetti and.....and some of this old food. We'll make the cat......big. Like the one Luke's got! That thing's huge! We send the fake cat in....make it explode at Slughorn's feet and then, Remus and Sirius can leave!" his smile went wider, he was pleased with his idea!

"Sluggy likes cats don't he?" He pointed out, "I learned that when I was trying to study! I heard him talkin' in the library to Luke's cat! Told the cat he loves kitties like him!" He grinned, glad that for once, he knew something someone else didn't. "I remember 'cause ..... it was a lot easier to remember than .....whatever I was studyin' at the time." now he felt stupid again, but oh well! Whatever threw James off of whatever idea he had in his head! He figured it'd have something to do with him getting hexed or something.

[JAMES IGNOTUS POTTER]

At last it seemed James was succeeding in irritating Lloyd. It was unusual though considering his fellow Gryffindor was particularly difficult to wind up as James had found out over the years. He was fighting back now though, but James wasn’t sure he liked this sudden fight within Lloyd. It seemed he knew exactly how to push James’ buttons. Mentioning Lily Evans was the most obvious but always the easiest option. He gritted his teeth together crossly at Lloyd’s words. ”Leave me and Lily Evans out of this.” The problem always was that whenever anybody decided to tease him or wind him up about his crush on Lily; he could never come up with a good enough comeback but what the other person was saying was more often than not true. He was head over heels for the girl and would do anything to get her. Everyone knew he followed her around like a lost puppy and never-endingly asked her out on dates. He wasn’t bothered about people knowing, he was bothered that everyone thought it was amusing to try and wind him up about it. Especially since he prided himself on being laid back when others tried to get him riled up; he usually just turned the other cheek. It was harder when they brought Lily into the equation.

He definitely didn’t like the idea of Lily helping Lloyd around. He was right; she would take it upon herself to help him because she was just that kind-hearted and of course Lloyd would be quick to offer up James’ name as the perpetrator. Dammit he hadn’t thought that one through. ”Fine. I won’t curse you.” James said quickly, holding his hands up in surrender. He had other ideas now anyway. Ideas that would involve getting a little bit of revenge on Lloyd, getting Padfoot and Moony out of detention and not making him look like the bad guy. ”I’m glad you agree that friends are important.” He watched, trying his hardest not to smile as Lloyd tried to come up with a plan. James looked around theatrically. ”I see no cat.” But he let Lloyd continue with his idea that he was evidently conjuring up on the spot anyway.

James admired Lloyd’s ability to think on the spot and the idea wasn’t half bad but . . . ”There’s only one problem I have with that plan, pal and it is this: If Slughorn likes cats, he isn’t going to want to see it explode. And to be honest I’m not too comfortable with exploding a cat. That’s cruel.” He smiled though because he knew it was just Lloyd attempting to get out of whatever plan James had. ”So hear me out?” James raised his wand, pointing it at his fellow sixth year’s face. ”I hex you with a disfigurement that only a potion can cure. So you go and see Slughorn and whilst he’s fixing your face,” James took a step towards Lloyd, ”Sirius and Remus can escape.” Another step. ”How about it?”

[lloydhoratioirving]

Of course he agreed friends were important! They were just as important to him as family was! And that was extremely important. Lloyd gave a small sigh, glad that he wasn't going to get hexed, because even if someone was helping him around all day, it'd still be a pain in the ass hopping on one leg for hours.

"I meant a stuffed cat!" Lloyd groaned, "Just one that looks real! You know, one of those toys kids play with! .......Muggle kids." he blinked and backed up, not liking the look on James' face at all.

"Wait!" He yelped, "They ain't my friends! Why can't I hex you?! Huh? And....and what's in for me? I mean .....it's not like Genis is down there too! Isn't much reason too....." he frowned deeply and pointed his index finger at James. "You're gonna hex me anyway. Aint'cha?" He asked and then sighed and closed his eyes. "Okay okay." He agreed, "Just.....well....you owe me. Okay? You. Owe. Me!" he was going to collect on it too! If he could remember exactly what James owed him for later.

And so, a few minutes later he came staggering out of the room, his face so swollen and tender, it was as if he'd slammed it repeatedly against a wall for an hour straight. One eye was sealed shut, he couldn't speak through bloated, cracked lips and he looked like some sort of mutated chipmunk. Off he went, gingerly touching his face, he hissed in pain and glared over his shoulder at James. This was not cool! How the hell did he get wrapped up in all this?

Oh well. Too late now.

Sighing, he went into the Potion's classroom and made a great show of moaning in pain. Professor Slughorn asked him who did it and he blinked. "........He was .....was ugly!" He said, "Real ugly!" He knew James was probably listening, "I didn't get his name, but he looked like....like....really lumpy mashed potatoes! All pale and with huge boils and pimples and....this really smashed nose! And he was real stupid too!" why not make up someone who wouldn't get into trouble?

The potion took a full ten minutes to brew and another five to take affect and by then, Lloyd was all finished and his face was back to normal. "Thanks Professor!" He said brightly, and then got up and hurried away.

James was no where to be found! Neither were Sirius or Remus! They'd left him there! So much for being loyal! He sighed and shook his head, "Oh well." He muttered and headed off, hands in his pockets. "James still owes me." he began thinking about how he'd collect on that, maybe he'd figure out something later.

For now.....he had to find that poor trapped cat, so off he went.

[JAMES IGNOTUS POTTER]

”No, Lloyd you owe me remember? For this!” He waved his wand free hand down his body where he was still covered in gunk. James grinned pleasantly at Lloyd, glad that he’d finally come to the conclusion that James was going to get his way in spite of whatever plans he managed to come up with. Order had returned; James Potter was back in charge of the mischief making. He took another step towards the other male and BANG. Shot him dead in the face with the hex. He nodded, satisfied with his work as the effects started to take place on Lloyd’s features. He made a ‘run along now’ gesture with his hand at Lloyd and followed him at a slight distance out of the door and towards Slughorn’s classroom.

James cast a spell so that he could hear what was going on in the office and listened intently to the exchange between Lloyd and Slughorn, hoping to Merlin that the Gryffindor didn’t mess it up. He knew that Sirius and Remus would know this was their cue to escape even if the plan wasn’t entirely as they had discussed. James frowned at Lloyd’s description of his attacker. Either he didn’t think much of James’ appearance or he was making someone up from scratch. He hoped it was the latter. Although he wasn’t sure Slughorn would be convinced that such a person existed within Hogwarts. But Lloyd had done enough to occupy the Potions master because Sirius and Remus rounded the corner, high-fiving James for his efforts. Sirius went to hug him before realising that his clothes were in no fit state to be touched, and they all took off.

If James anything then he was loyal and he was extremely grateful for Lloyd’s help even if the boy had forced his hand a little bit, he didn’t deserve to be completely abandoned. He was walking along wondering how he could thank Lloyd when he heard a soft meowing coming from a nearby storage closet. He told Sirius and Remus that he would catch them up later before opening up the doors of the closet to find a cat. The cat Lloyd was talking about?’ James asked himself. Shrugging he carefully picked the creature up and started back towards Slughorn’s office hoping to bump into Lloyd along the way. ”Irv- Lloyd!” James called down the corridor. ”Lloyd I’ve got something for you!” The cat, not liking the shouting noise that was James leapt out of his arms and towards Lloyd.