& there's a dark side of me ,,

[OLIVIA JOSEPHINE SELWYN]

[style=font-family: times; font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: 1px; text-transform: lowercase; color: #989898; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;]1,075 WORDS FOR alistair here we are! i hope this works for the beginning :) bREAthe . [/style]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,450,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: #6d6d6d;] [style=padding: 10px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; height: 475px; overflow: auto; color: #111111;]it was after dinner, and oliva's stomach acknowledged the fact by rumbling as she managed her way down the hallway. it was nearly seven, and though that wasn't that late, she was tired and in need of something to quench her hunger. truth was, she was late for dinner because she was trying to make up classes to some of her professors, mainly a professor castell. he had allowed olivia to make up most of the classes that she had missed due to her current "state of being", and had talked a few other teachers into allowing her some extra time. tonight she had been with professor mcgonagall. olivia liked her, even if the woman wasn't the fondest of olivia's tardiness. she was strict, but she had a kind heart and had encouraged olivia to really put her best efforts into making up the assignments and classwork. olivia had graciously accepted her help and her time, even if she wasn't that fond of school. hearing her stomach rumble again, olivia decided her best course of action would be to head to the kitchens and ask politely if the house elves could make her a sandwich. this wouldn't be her first time asking for a later than dinner snack, and it probably wouldn't be the last. as she entered the kitchen, one of the house elves saw her and smiled. she was either loved or hated by the house elves, many of them taking pity on her for her family situation and the sadness of her past. others, knowing of her situation looked at her as a blood traitor. this one, thankfully, was a friendly elf and she smiled towards him as he approached her. "miss selwyn! did you miss dinner? would you like me to make the missus something?" a part of her cringed at being called miss selwyn. it reminded her of her family and her father and how she wasn't truly a selwyn in any of their eyes. but the thought passed quickly as her stomach made another noise in the reaction to food. "yes please trenton," she said to the house elf, "anything will do. a sandwich perhaps?" she smiled as the house elf bowed and walked away quickly. she pulled out a nearby stool and sat on it sighing. she was tired. it had been a long day, and an even longer night. she rubbed her eyes recalling the events that had unfolded last night and her characteristic behaviour of the last several months. she had been drinking, like usual. partying in the room of requirement with a bunch of students. she barely remembered even the beginning of the party as she had slipped in a few shots in her dorm room before making her way to the room of requirement. therefore there was no need to play catch up, but to ride the buzz and decrease the control and pain by adding more alcohol. there had been music, and she remembered dancing. she also remembered alistair, yet again. alistair macmillan had been one of those guys she had managed to fall into bed with time after time. of course only when they had both been drinking and because both of them knew it didn't mean anything. alistair wasn't the kindest of guys when he wasn't drinking. in fact, he could be quiet rude and judgmental, but olivia had just shoved his comments off every time, knowing deep inside she wasn't happy with herself either. she had woken up in his bed this morning and groggily gotten dressed and excused herself from his room. it was for the best, and though no rude comments had been made this morning, olivia was almost dreading the next time she would see him. if only he knew why she did what she did. if he only had a glimpse of what her life were really like. the life and events that had forced her to alcohol and partying, and sleeping around. she shook her head. the thought of alistair being understanding about her situation somehow seemed slim. then again, he wasn't a bad guy. just judgmental. "here miss." trenton had returned with a sandwich and big glass of milk and olivia smiled graciously towards him. "thank you so much." he bowed once more and left her to her meal and her thoughts. she wolfed down the sandwich, surprised at just how hungry she was and washed it down with big gulps of milk. the sandwich really hit the spot and she smiled in contentment as her stomach no longer churned with pain. taking her empty dishes, she set them by the sink and nodded a goodbye as she left the kitchens. she walked down the empty hallway, sure that most students were in their common rooms at this point and enjoyed the moment of solitude, which was unusual. usually olivia wanted the people and crowds around her to drown out her own thoughts and feelings, but she felt overwhelmed today, and was thankful for the peace and quiet. it was different and a part of her wasn't sure she liked it. her thoughts hadn't immediately gone to zack either. and even as she thought of him, it didn't hurt as much. not quite as bad as usual. again, that was different. olivia allowed herself to breathe as she realized she was holding her breath. this is so silly, she thought to herself. another breath out and she felt a little more secure on her feet. it was then that she heard someone else walking down the abandon hall. a slytherin? she was in the dungeons. she really hoped not, as she was not a very good spell caster and she was not in the mood to be tormented. to her surprise and distain, it was alistair that was walking down the hall her way. she stopped when they saw one another and rolled her eyes, cocking her head to alistair. "alright, let's get the rude, judgmental comments out of the way right here so i can carry on with my night undisturbed." she eyed alistair intensely. "i know you probably have several jabs you've been waiting to send my way all day." normally olivia wasn't this vicious. she was normally friendly and kind, but she was tired and tired of alistair's snide remarks. the sooner this could be over with, the better. why, oh why olivia, do you keep falling into bed with alistair? [/style]

TABLE BY CALIFORNIA DREAMING @ CAUTION 2.0

[ALISTAIR ELIJAH MACMILLAN]

[/style][style=width: 463px; height:20; background-color: #DDBBFF; float: center; background-image:url(http://i739.photobucket.com/albums/xx40/tippykazoo/Seamless/merely_cubed.png);]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 460px; height: 480px; background-color: ededed; border-top: 10px solid #00172D; border-bottom: 10px solid #00172D;] [style=width: 200; height: 15; background-color: BBC8FF;]tagged: olivia/alistair word-count: 995 outfit: cba. notes: :] a post! [/style]

[/div]

Last night was a blur. In fact, Alistair couldn’t remember a whole lot of it. But he had a sizeable hangover and he was a firm believer in the bigger the hangover, the better the night. So he reasoned that it must have been pretty damn good. From what he did remember there had been dancing, shots, there was a three-quarter empty bottle of vodka on his nightstand (he did vaguely remember pre-drinking before making his way down to the room of requirement).A memory was coming back to him; one of his friends had started a fight and he’d had to drag him away before he got killed by the six foot seven inch Slytherin and he remembered Olivia. Sort of. He remembered waking up next to her more than he remembered seeing her the night before. All in all, quite a successful night.

He wasn’t smiling though. He had been slumped in bed all day, in that position between lying down and sitting up because he so very much needed to rest his head but the world began to spin causing him to feel sick if he lay down properly. Ever since Olivia had woken up and excused herself from his dorm he hadn’t moved. He was beginning to wonder if he was just a lightweight or if he drank way too much on night’s out because he was always left feeling battered the next day. Even if he tried all of those tricks, lining your stomach with potions, drinking milk, eating a big meal and drinking lots of water before bed, nothing ever worked. Not even the hangover cure he had purchased from Hogsmeade on his last visit. It seemed potions didn’t want to work on his body. Except alcohol, that had an extremely poisoning effect.

He’d been feeling sorry for himself, head pounding, stomach churning, groaning fitfully between snoozes all day. Finally evening had arrived and he seemed to be returning to his usual sober state. His stomach still felt extremely abused but it ached almost as if he was hungry. Stumbling from his bed he glanced at the time and realised that after a shower (it was very much needed) he might not have time to make it down to the Great Hall for the end of dinner. Feeling like he’d used up all of his luck last night, Alistair took as little time as was possible in his almost post-hangover state to get ready. Pulling out a rather screwed up pair of jeans and blue polo shirt from his suitcase and not caring that his hair was still dripping wet from the shower he raced downstairs and flew through the corridors of the castle, only to find that dinner had finished.

Letting out a groan of frustration and forgetting that his hair was wet he ran a hand through his brown locks. Cringing his face up in further irritation as he dried his fingers and palm on the back of his trouser leg. He was wondering if he had any sweets stashed away upstairs still (though he really fancied something savoury) when a fellow Raven came to his rescue, telling him how exactly to get into the kitchens. Alistair realised that although he had spent six years inside this castle he hardly knew anything about it. He supposed that was what happened when you spent the majority of your spare time in the library rather than exploring the school. He had no interest in the ins and outs of Hogwarts and if he wanted to know then he’d read Hogwarts: A history rather than go searching out its secrets for himself. He wasn’t the adventurous type.

The dungeons wasn’t a place he visited save for potions classes and his dungeon was nearest to the stairs so he had never ventured any further into them than that before. He’d never really thought about how little of the castle he didn’t see. Although these dark and dingily lit corridors, well they were more like tunnels really, were not the most pleasant of places and he would rather a avoid them anyway. At least they were deserted; not even a brooding Slytherin moping around. That was good; Al wasn’t really in the mood to converse with anyone. He wanted to eat his fill and then go back to bed. His disrupted daytime sleep had not been enough to satisfy him. It wasn’t long however before he realised that he was not alone. Footsteps could be heard coming towards him but he paid them little attention, his plan to just simply pass the person on by. That was until he saw that the owner of the footsteps was Olivia.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise; she had been the last person he expected to see. But then she was a Hufflepuff and he heard tell that their common room was underground too so maybe it wasn’t too much of a coincidence. If truth be told, he was quite pleased to run into her, it made his ego boost knowing that he had spent the night with this girl. He smiled at her, not kindly, more... amused. His smile turned into a smirk at her words. ”Actually I’ve spent most of my day in bed.” He replied a little brusquely, irritated at his hangover rather than at her. ”And believe it or not, I don’t spend my time coming up with jibes to aim at you and quite honestly I’m offended that you think me to be that judgemental.” He grinned, letting out a small chuckle. ”Oh who am I kidding? Did you have fun last night letting what little is left of your self-respect slip away from you?” He folded his arms across his chest, his grin no longer there because honestly, he seriously had good intentions when he gave Olivia his opinion. ”I’ve got more if you want to hear them?” He asked, feeling slightly guilty that he was rather enjoying this situation.

[/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table]

[/style][style=width: 463px; height:15; background: #001D2D; float: center;]

template by tippy of caution.

[/center]

[OLIVIA JOSEPHINE SELWYN]

[style=font-family: times; font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: 1px; text-transform: lowercase; color: #989898; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;]1,074 WORDS FOR alistair well that was surprising. olivia has attitude.. and a crap load of emotions :P bREAthe . [/style]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,450,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: #6d6d6d;] [style=padding: 10px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; height: 475px; overflow: auto; color: #111111;]alistair just didn't get it. it never did and he never would. no one got it. no one understand why olivia acted the way she acted, why she did what she did, or why she did it. but then again, olivia wasn't going around shouting it from the tops of roofs or anything. no, olivia tried to play it off that she was alright, even though she was so far from alright she couldn't even see the sign to head in the direction of right. sometimes she wondered when it exactly started. at what point did she throw in the towel and decided this was the way her life was going to be. well, for started, she hadn't picked to be placed in hufflepuff. she would have sought with ever ounce of her being to be in slytherin had she known what a disappointment she would have been the consequences of being placed in that house would have. the beatings, the small spaces with no light, the separation from her ones super close siblings. but she had dealt with that and moved on. dealt with it only through the help of zack. now he was gone and she had chosen to surround herself with drunken people and casual flings. how tragic of her. but she hated pitying herself, though that's probably what she needed to do most. just to get it over with, confess the truth and shout to the entire world she was screwed up. a complete train wreck tearing apart. alistair couldn't help. how could he have seen through the layers of facade olivia put up around her? she narrowed her eyes at him as he spoke at first, a moment of confusion and almost relief setting in as he spoke of not even having thought of her or unkind words to say to her. but then good ol' alistair was back, making snide comments to olivia. she smirked painfully, the verbal blows hitting her where she had already been wounded. olivia was too numb to feel how the words penetrated her. the holes were already too deep and too wide. she shook her head, biting the side of her lip trying to come up with the words to retort back to him. she was so sick and tired of alistair thinking he was better then her, when he wasn't. he was falling into bed with her just as easy as she was with him, and he was enjoying it if memory served correct. but she knew that stooping to his level would only push him further, and frankly, olivia was getting fed up. "you know what alistair? you're right. i have very little self-respect. i drink, and i party, and i end up in random guys beds often. yours is one of them, more frequently than obviously either of us would like." olivia's eyes darted to alistair, her stare fixated on him and she boldly took a step towards him, finding courage in her she felt she otherwise lacked. "but you want to know the interesting thing about all that? you're so selfish, never have you ever thought about possibly why it is i am this way. why is olivia selwyn someone who gets all dressed up only to end up in some guys bed, or on someone's floor by the end of the night? has that thought never crossed that thick head of yours?" olivia was feeling bravery and she had no idea why but she was riding the wave of exhilaration that came with it. that's what it was, exhilaration and liberation, and laying into alistair the way she was now felt fabulous. finally she was going to tell him where to stick it and where to go. she was done with his rudeness and judgement calls all the while he was no better than her, and he had no clue the crap that she was going through. she felt more fire blazing inside of her and continued to alistair, eyes inflamed with years of pent up emotion. "after how many nights we've spent together you have never once asked me if i was alright, or given me a scrap of the dignity i deserve. because believe it or not alistair, i'm going through a lot of shit right now and i'm so fucked up you can't even begin to guess where one end starts and the other ends. and i'm not saying you need to feel sorry for me, but at least give me the time of day. if my body's good for a screw you owe me that." olivia took a deep breath, feeling the air of resistance run through her veins. perhaps this break through with professor castell was doing her some good. perhaps alistair had finally hit the nerve he had been aiming for since they began sleeping together. perhaps zack was watching over olivia and she was finally beginning to realize she needed to let go, to let people see who she was, even if it was a broken, completely fucked up girl. the angry inside of her was strong, but the frustration and sadness were greater. and now that she had started rambling on, she didn't know how to stop it. it was as if a volcano had finally erupted inside of her and she could feel the emotions seeping up to catch in her throat. "my perfect pureblood family disowned me, i've gone through years of neglect an abuse, and last year the only person who had ever understood me and helped me through all my pain died. at fifteen. zack was taken from me and now i have no one," olivia threw her hands up in the air, feeling the tears beginning to drop down her cheeks. god she was crying a lot lately! she didn't care anymore. let alistair hear all about her problems and then leave her here with all her problems. he didn't sign up for this. he signed up for someone to have sex with, this did not come in the contract. but then again, him being a douche wasn't in the contract either. she fell to the ground, her hands going to her face to hide her away from the shame and embarrassment she was feeling. "i'm completely alone," she whispered to herself, allowing that thought to hit home. she wasn't alone, but she sure as hell felt alone. more than she had ever felt before. [/style]

TABLE BY CALIFORNIA DREAMING @ CAUTION 2.0

[ALISTAIR ELIJAH MACMILLAN]

[/style][style=width: 463px; height:20; background-color: #DDBBFF; float: center; background-image:url(http://i739.photobucket.com/albums/xx40/tippykazoo/Seamless/merely_cubed.png);]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 460px; height: 480px; background-color: ededed; border-top: 10px solid #00172D; border-bottom: 10px solid #00172D;] [style=width: 200; height: 15; background-color: BBC8FF;]tagged: olivia/alistair word-count: 1073 outfit: cba. notes: and alistair was rather freaked out by it all! [/style]

[/div]

The rather amused expression returned to his face at Olivia’s response to his words. He was quite pleased that she was agreeing with him, however unexpected it was to hear the words leave her mouth; he always liked to hear people tell him that he was right. Maybe this was some sort of breakthrough she was having, finally realising that her morals were wrong. Though of course, Alistair would miss falling into bed with her after a drunken night out. She was someone he knew he could always go to if he wanted. He reckoned he’d become some sort of expert at drunkenly chatting her up. Although it was hard to tell since the both of them were always so wasted. He gave her a little sideways nod, feeling very arrogant all of a sudden. That was until she took what could only be described as a menacing step towards him and the cocky expression on his face faded at her words.

He didn’t like being insulted and her choice of words were highly inaccurate. To say he had a thick head was to imply that he was unintelligent. Al didn’t like any sort of criticism aimed his way but calling him stupid was way out of line. He opened his mouth to retaliate, to say that it was obvious why she did it, she had some strange craving for attention, probably over-shadowed by a sibling. That was the logical explanation anyway. But she was ranting at him again; apparently he had touched a nerve too far. It was getting far from amusing and offensive now, in fact, Alistair actually took a step backwards and away from her. Never had he seen her in such a rage, never had he expected all of her issues to come flying out at him. And never had he expected to feel so guilty about it. Before there had been displeasure at her insults, now he was washed with guilt because she had a very valid point. For once in his life, Al felt unable to argue with her. He licked his lips, turning his head away from her in shame.

She was right, he only ever thought about himself, he got what he wanted out of their little arrangement and then he was happy to send her on her way. In all honesty, he was quite happy to ignore the possible reasons for her behaviour because her behaviour benefitted him. In that case, why should he ask? He realised straight away that that was a pitiful argument. He was supposed to ask because he was a good person, because you should look out for people and show them a little respect. It didn’t stop him however, from still feeling a little bit angry that he was getting the brunt of her anger. He decided against asking her what it was that made her so fucked up since he had a feeling he was about to find out.

Shock was what he felt at her final admittance. He’d gone through a traffic light of emotions already but never had he expected to be shocked. This discovery about Olivia’s life shook him quite a lot. His jaw dropped open and he looked down at her, completely overwhelmed not only at her words but that he had been the one to bring them out of her. He blinked a few times, trying to come to terms with what had just happened. All he’d wanted to do was go to the kitchens to get something to eat and now he was faced with having to console a broken-down Olivia. He wasn’t very good in situations like these. He hoped to Merlin that she wasn’t crying because he could not deal with crying girls. The silence stretched on and on between them and Alistair honestly debated running away. But this had obviously not only been the final straw for her, but some sort of cry for help and Al didn’t want to be the guy that turned his back on her now, not after he had done it already so many times before.

He realised he had to say something although he wasn’t entirely sure if she actually still wanted him around since she’d made it pretty clear he’d been one hell of a jerk to her. ”I didn’t know! How was I supposed to know there was some underlying reason-“ He stopped, realising too late that those weren’t the words that should be coming out of his mouth, however much he wanted to voice them. He sighed at his own incompetence. He opened his mouth again, finding it very difficult to say the two words that he probably should speak. He never said them. To anyone. Because apologizing would mean admitting he was wrong, and Alistair Macmillan was never wrong. Except today. In this instance, when it came to Olivia and her emotions, Al had been very cold, mostly because he couldn’t see past the end of his own nose. ”I’m sorry.” It sounded strangled and unused but he said it.

Hesitating over whether or not it was the right decision, he crouched down on the floor next to her, unceremoniously landing with a bump on his behind and feeling the pain shoot through his entire body. Mentally cursing his hangover. ”You’re right. I’ve been a dick to you and you don’t deserve that.” He ruffled up his now drying hair. ”But shit, Olivia . . . you’ve been dealing with all of that? Alone?” He shook his head, his hand still resting in his rumpled up hair as he tried to process how much she had to deal with in her life. ”You don’t have to be alone, you’ve got me.” He smiled, feeling a little apprehensive because he really wouldn’t be surprised if she threw his words back in his face and he honestly wouldn’t blame her for it. He wanted to do the macho guy thing and try and fix it but even he couldn’t think of a way out of this for her. He couldn’t bring her friend back from the dead and he couldn’t change her family’s views. ”Whatever you need me to do for you, I’ll do it. But seriously, you’ve got to get out of this habit, it’s not good for you.” A smidge of the old, ‘I’m going to tell you what to do’ Alistair was back, although a softer, sensitive version.

[/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table]

[/style][style=width: 463px; height:15; background: #001D2D; float: center;]

template by tippy of caution.

[/center]